Fox Wants To Make An E*Trade Baby Movie

I have a mission for you readers out there. Head on over to IMDb and check out the Bottom 100 films list. Now do me a favor and check out the entries at #3 and #75. There you will find the prestigious Baby Geniuses film. With an aggregate score of 1% on Rotten Tomatoes, the films are largely considered two of the worst films to come out in the last 20 years (Only Dwayne E. Leslie of Boxoffice Magazine gave either film a positive review).

Now quickly set your brain back to 2007. A new show premiered on ABC called Cavemen, a sitcom based around three troglodytes in modern America. The show was notorious for having been based on a series of truly awful commercials made by the car insurance company Geico and lasted a grand total of five episodes.

Now combine these ideas into one horrible premise and you get 20th Century Fox's newest idea.

Pajiba is reporting that Fox has hired Katie Dippold, a writer for Parks and Recreation and MadTV, to script a film based on the E*Trade baby. The film is being described as "a 'mission movie,' about a group of talking babies trying to make their way across the playground." Please excuse me while I go bash my head into a wall hard enough so that I will bleed from the ears.

There we go. Now then, WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE OVER THERE? It's one thing to make abominable horseshit that panders to children for the sake of profit, but Baby Geniuses made a whopping $27 million and its sequel got a third of that. It's been proven that people have no interest in watching brain-numbing tripe involving talking babies or anything based on insipid commercials, so why waste the time and energy of hard working people in the film industry? We are in a recession and Fox wants to spend millions of dollars on one of the worst ideas I have ever heard. The movie would be better spent building an effigy of the E*Trade baby out of solid gold and launching it into a black hole. Screw you, Fox.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the hospital.

Eric Eisenberg
Assistant Managing Editor

NJ native who calls LA home and lives in a Dreamatorium. A decade-plus CinemaBlend veteran who is endlessly enthusiastic about the career he’s dreamt of since seventh grade.