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Sometimes a movie is so spectacular or bizarre that it demands more than a traditional review. It demands a GIF Review. In the past, I've brought you my many feelings on movie likes The World's End, White House Down, and A Good Day To Die Hard. As I shrieked with joy and shock throughout Thor: The Dark World, it seemed a good time to turn to GIFs, but then a special guest dropped by offering his unique and intimate perspective on the latest adventures of the brothers out of Asgard. And as we saw at Comic Con , you can't say no to Loki.
Before the God of Mischief (not to mention Tumblr obsession) takes over, be warned: the following contains spoilers for Thor: The Dark World .
Greetings, mortals. Have you missed me? Of course you have. No matter what my brother and his flashy friends attempt, there is no one you long to see as much as me, your god.
Hm. Thor: The Dark World, how precious. Considering the favor I curry among you people, I'd have thought a better title might be Loki: The Return. But have it your way.
After some drivel about my father's father's failed attempt to rid the world of these boorish dark elves (blah blah blah), we at long last get to me.
Following my thwarted conquest on your island of Manhattan, I'm being charged for war crimes. It's an overreaction to say the least. After all, ruling is my birthright. "Your birthright was to die! If I hadn't taken you in, you would not now be here to hate me," says my dear "father."
So I'm relegated to the glass cages below the palace while my foolish brother moons over a mortal from another realm. Oh, dear Miss Foster, you probably shouldn't play with things you don't understand. You humans really are adorable. Vacillating around in your tiny existences causing mayhem without malice. Amateurs.
"She doesn't belong here anymore than a goat belongs at a banquet." Oh, Odin. You may not be my real father, but clearly we share a gift for devastating one-liners.
"So I am not your mother?" Frigga please.
I'd rather not address the matter of Frigga. Respect my privacy, or prepare for my reckoning.
I confess, the deep-burning need for vengeance can make for strange allies. But no need to let my hatred of my so-called brother be an obstacle to some fun. Someone needs to make this motion picture compelling. For you I offer impressions, action, and of course some trickery. All you must do to receive them is:
Yes. Now for something that will really blow you away: I, your lord and ruler, save the day. Not my naïve brother with all his good intentions and glorious gold locks.
Weep for me, subjects. For this place was a world too ignorant for my wonder. And so I die.
Oh come on. You didn't really believe I'd die did you? Forget for a second that I am indisputably the best villain this Marvel has going, and remember that for all my stature, all the adoration from love-sick humans around your pathetic world, I am above all things the trickster god. Really. I wouldn't have thought it possible to think less of you, and yet here we are.
I confess, it was a touching tribute Thor laid before my feet.
To conclude, for all his bluster Odin is a shortsighted dullard whose fate was sealed the moment he dared attempt to steal away my destiny. My lummox brother is welcomed to his Earth fishwife and his self-inflicted duties to protect her and the other realms. As for me, I will fulfill my destiny as ruler of Asgard and of your wills. Now one more time for the cheap seats: