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While Furious 7 has designs this weekend to put the pedal to the metal and leave the rest of the box-office competition in the dust, another sequel on the horizon in Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 is not ashamed to latch its Segway onto the back of one of its muscle cars for a bit of a boost. This parody-packed trailer for the upcoming comedy sequel, called 2 Blart 2 Furious, will speak to fans of the series (we’ll assume they’re out there) and leave them thirstier than a mall stop at Auntie Anne’s in which you forgot to order a drink.

Oh, yeah, that was intense! Guys, did that clip just irradiate you with so much testosterone that you’re experiencing a second puberty? Gals, are you suddenly feeling the need to don flannel and chop down giant Redwoods with your bare hands? Well, then, chances are that seeing Furious 7 would give you a fatal heart attack and you should probably stick to lighter fare like Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2.

Yes, it seems that the folks from this underground drag race picked the wrong mall parking lot to set up an event. Kevin James’ Paul Blart sets up camp at this Furious-esque event like a State Trooper with a ticket quota, just waiting for the moment when some inked-up gearhead punk violates the sanctity of "Code 146-923" - which I guess covers violations related to tacky dashboard ornaments. The trap is sprung, and Blart bolts into action. Of course, by "action," we mean "writing imaginary tickets." Inevitably, he is challenged and the situation devolves to a hybrid contest of elements from the Fast franchise and You Got Served. And yeah, those repugnant ruffians DID get served, all right… with lithium-ion-powered pwnage!

Yet, despite what was surely the hopes of someone out there, the hijinks in this video actually have nothing to do with the actual plot of Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2. The surely-compelling tale directed by Andy Fickman will depict the titular consumer constabulary attending a Security Convention in Las Vegas with his teenage daughter (Raini Rodriguez), hoping to catch a little R&R in America’s playground. However, the seemingly complex security measures of his hotel are somehow compromised and now Paul has to put aside his holiday to tackle a horrendous heist perpetrated by a suave, sophisticated villain played by Neal McDonough. Thus, fans can rest assured that the first film’s silly synthesis of a "wrong place at the wrong time" action flick like Die Hard, with Kevin James doing Kevin James-type stuff, will remain in full effect for this second go-round.

Should you feel so inclined, you can probably catch Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 on foot as it rides its Segway to theaters on April 17.
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