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The Films That Make Up The Ryan Reynolds Masturbation Trilogy, According To Ryan Reynolds


Some actors have achieved their greatest fame for winning major awards. Others have been in incredibly popular movies that have made billions of dollars. Ryan Reynolds plays with himself. The scene in Deadpool that involves a pair of crocs, a stuffed unicorn, and the hero's tiny baby hand is probably well known, as Deadpool has been one of the most popular films of the year. However, as Ryan Reynolds points out in the commentary track for the movie, he's also jerked off in two other movies in his career, The Nines and The Change-Up, which means we now have a trilogy worthy of a box set. The life of a movie star ladies and gentlemen.

DVD commentary tracks don't get nearly the love that they used to, which is a shame because they can, on occasion, include some absolutely perfect material. Empire Online went through the commentary that Ryan Reynolds recorded for Deadpool to see what there was to hear, but some of what they got, they likely weren't expecting. It turns out that Deadpool completes the most... self-gratifying movie trilogy ever.

The Nines and The Change-Up are the two other films I've made love to myself, I'm not proud to say. People have got a Hollywood star on the walk of fame for less, my friend.

If, for some twisted reason that we don't want to know about, you're interested in more films including Ryan Reynolds masturbating. The Change-Up was a 2011 comedy starring Reynolds and Jason Bateman in which they switch bodies. We're not sure it counts as masturbation if your mind is in another body, but, honestly, that opens a can of worms we really don't want to consider. The Nines, on the other hand, is a somewhat twisted 2007 drama where Ryan Reynolds plays a guy under house arrest who burned his house down. While the first two films play the sequence for laughs, there aren't a lot of laughs in that one, although it isn't a bad movie.

The Ryan Reynolds Masturbation Trilogy is just about the worst box set we could ever imagine. At the same time, if it includes Deadpool, then we have to say we wouldn't be surprised to see it happen. We also think Reynolds absolutely deserves a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, though not specifically for "excellence in masturbation on film." Also, you don't actually earn those, you just buy them. While we know Ryan Reynolds didn't make a lot of money on Deadpool, he did his part to keep the budget down, we're pretty sure he can afford to buy his own star with whatever he demanded for Deadpool 2.

Have you seen every entry in the Ryan Reynolds self-love trilogy? Let us know what you thought of each of his scenes. We need grades on technique and...actually, nevermind, let's not do that. That's gross.

Dirk Libbey
Content Producer/Theme Park Beat

CinemaBlend’s resident theme park junkie and amateur Disney historian. Armchair Imagineer. Epcot Stan. Future Club 33 Member.