We are only a few weeks away from an onslaught of flicks just in time for the holidays. But we aren’t there yet so let’s enjoy the peace and quiet while we have it. This week it’s only one film playing for keeps.
Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.
Playing for Keeps
Oh boy. Oh freaking boy. I usually start these write-ups off with a little banter about some grander theme in the flick or some faux-gonzo shit that puts “me” in directly in the discussion about a film’s plot points. But I don’t have the space to do that today because this movie has so many terrible parts converging all at once that I need to make best use of the space provided (see I did it anyway, can’t help myself).
First off, on Rotten Tomatoes Playing for Keeps is labeled as “Drama”, “Sports and Fitness” and “Comedy” so we’re starting off on a pretty good foot.* It’s about an ex-soccer star (Gerard Butler) who’s not only in some money trouble, but is also trying to rekindle a relationship with his son and ex-wife (Jessica Biel). Because I can’t sum this piece of garbage any better I’ll let the movie’s official site do it for me:
Looking for a way to rebuild his relationship with his son, he gets roped into coaching the boy’s soccer team. But his attempts to finally become an “adult” are met with hilarious challenges from the attractive “soccer moms” who pursue him at every turn.
See what I mean? Brutal.
*If you can find another movie that holds these three labels please pass them along. Rotten Tomatoes doesn’t allow for multiple genres in a search so I couldn’t track another one down. I would love to know what other movies this one is competing with in its layered, nuanced genre.
Never mind that Butler, outside of Roman-esque gladiator type films, is a hopeless hack (Chasing Mavericks -34%, The Bounty Hunter13%, P.S. I Love You-23% to name a few). Never mind director Gabrielle Muccino (Seven Pounds-27%, The Pursuit of Happiness-66%) is hit and miss. Never mind the writer, Robbie Fox, last had a movie credit with In the Army Now. Forget about all of that. I don’t think that stuff matters really. Just watch the trailer. You’ll see a flat-lining Butler popping in for a quick paycheck by rustling his “son’s” hair a few times and lamenting his lack of parenting skills while simultaneously coaching the kid’s team, banging a MILF here and there, trying to “get his life back together” and basically just going through the lazy, movie-making motions with all the predictable beats. It’s going to be some World Cup level sucking. The Rotten Watch for Playing for Keeps is 18%
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Recapping last week:
Rough one considering I had a little head start here. Both movies:
Killing Them Softly (Predicted: 91% Actual: 79%)
The Collection (Predicted: 59% Actual: 44%)
dropped steadily over the course of the week, the former especially with “Top Critics” contributing their fair share of negativity. Cinema Blend’s Kristy Puchko added to my prediction demise with her review.
I predicted a drop for The Collection but not enough with Mack’s reviews also doing m dirty. The score fell a decent amount and I’m left out in the cold for both flicks. Disappointing.
Next time around we find the ring to rule them all. It’s going to be a Rotten Week!
