Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo finds America’s favorite he-bitch back in hot water. This time it’s not a broken fish tank, but a Deuce Bigalow (Rob Schneider) orchestrated dolphin attack on crippled old people. Of course it’s all a dumb misunderstanding, but Deuce decides to flee the country anyway and hang out with his buddy T.J. (Eddie Griffin) in Amsterdam.

In Amsterdam, T.J.’s new (and because it’s Amsterdam wholly legal) Man-whore business is being threatened by a series of prosti-dude murders. Deuce arrives, and because he’s an unredeemable idiot gets involved. To solve the case of the dead he-bitches, Deuce must return to man-whoring and sleep with dozens of physically disfigured women. He may even have to throw a midget out a window or two.

What’s clear is that they’re really reaching to drag a sequel out of this concept. Like the first film, Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, the follow-up is disgusting, despicable, and in some countries probably illegal. Unlike the first film, this one isn’t funny. We’ve seen Deuce woo horrific women before, the gag is getting tired and they haven’t come up with a twist capable of freshening it up. Most of the humor of the first movie came from watching Schneider squirm as he’s thrust into uncomfortable (and in some cases horrifying) sexual situations. Because they’ve already covered that ground, European Gigolo abandons Deuce’s discomfort to get lost in focusing on his client’s extreme physical deformities, or in mucking around in a lame-duck criminal investigation, or visiting the surprisingly unfunny (except for an obligatory Norm MacDonald cameo) European gigolo union.

Rob Schneider is a truly gifted comedic performer. This is after all, the guy who was funny in Judge Dredd. Getting laughs in that stinker takes quite a performance. But he’s completely wasted here, in a script forced to resort to making fun of midgets to get a laugh. If there’s a chuckle anywhere in the film, it comes from Eddie Griffin’s continually creative mangina terminology. Though prosti-dude is a damned funny word, it’s hardly enough to make an entire film out of. You’ve read the funniest thing about the movie here, now there’s no reason to see it. You can thank me later.

European Gigolo has lost whatever disturbed sparkle the original film had to make it funny. Come on guys, give us something new. Give Deuce a bad case of the crabs, stick him in awkward situations, explore what happens when a male prostitute gets the clap. There are ways to keep this thing going. Instead of being funny, it’s simply vile. This is a really disgusting film, and not in a good way. The film is only a little over an hour long, but it feels like an eternity. You’ll live a happier, fuller life without watching a cancer patient shoot wine through the hole in her neck, especially if there’s no comedic payoff.