Stone Cold Steve Austin enjoyed one of the most celebrated careers in WWE history, and he's beloved by everyone from the Rock to your drunkest uncle. Which is pretty wild considering injuries forced him into retirement after only wrestling professionally for around 14 years, and he only employed the Stone Cold persona for the back half of that run. Despite the brevity of the Texas Rattlesnake's domination over WWE rings and TV screens, fans will never forget the power of Austin 3:16, and nor will we forget the ridiculous amount of beer that regularly accompanied Austin to the ring, regardless of the situation.
As much as he's known for drinking said beer, Stone Cold is also known for his signature beer smash, in which he slams two open cans together to create a suds explosion. Which was usually followed by big open-mouthed chugs, and semi-full cans being flung around. It's always a big, glorious mess when it happens, truly. However, wrestling fans over the years have ribbed the Hall-of-Famer for "wasting" beer all the time, and you bet your ass the Straight Up Steve Austin host had an expletive-filled zinger of a response, telling TheWrap:
You know these people that say, ‘Ah, you’re wasting all that beer. You don’t know how to drink a beer.’ And I’m like, pardon my language for a second, fuck you, you don’t know what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to entertain 20,000 people in a fucking stadium. Or 80,000! If I sit there and just cracked open two beers and sipped them, how exciting is that? But when you go through 12, 18 or 24 of those, you’ve got a pretty good buzz by the time you come out of a ring.
And that's the bottom line, though it's currently under about a 12-pack of Miller Lite at the moment. Rarely does a celebrity, or anyone else in the world, answer a question with a more on-brand response than Stone Cold Steve Austin did above. I mean, anyone who tells Austin he doesn't know how to drink a beer definitely deserves being told to fuck off, and the WWE legend is arguably one of the few people who is more than happy to offer up that kind of applicable response.
He's not incorrect with his assessment, either. If Stone Cold would have just walked out to the ring for every Monday Night Raw and took tiny sips of beer without ever spilling a drop, it would have been extremely odd, and not very exciting. Can you imagine if he'd brought out flutes of champagne to sip on after a big win? Or, to counter that, if he brought flutes of champagne out to smash over his own heads? No, it seems like Steve Austin figured out the perfect way to handle things: beer smashes easy, beer drinks easy, beer is good. (So long as it's real beer, that is.)
I can't imagine how bloated and blah I would feel if I had to drink a half a case of beer on such a regular basis like Steve Austin did during his career. Granted, he was doing all of it to the cheers of 20,000-80,000 people chanting his name and his catchphrases. (Though not so much in the current climate.) So in that context, I suppose the energy would be palpable enough to get me through the experience without puking up foam. Maybe. I could probably do it easier playing one of these nifty-looking wrestling games.)
Check out Stone Cold Steve Austin in full beer-smashing action below for one of his treks back to the WWE, and wonder like I do how quickly he jumps into the shower after getting soaked by Miller Lite, or any other kind of beer.
While his time in the ring is kept to a bare minimum at this point, Stone Cold is currently the host of USA' Straight Up Steve Austin, which kicked off Season 2 on USA on Monday, January 11. While waiting to see if he has other F-bombs to throw at critical fans, head to our Winter and Spring TV premiere schedule to see what new and returning shows are on the way.