Laguna Beach: So you think you can (ask someone to a) dance?

In Laguna, relationships aren’t over until the unhappy producers sing, and apparently the omnipotent LB producers were not ready to let Alex or Derek go. We may have only seen, like, uh, 2 minutes, of the actual Laguna prom (courtesy of, once again, that totally not-really-real-at-all home video cinematography), but it’s never about what actually goes down at the usually lame event itself. It’s about who asks who and how they pop the question and, this season, some uninspired and downright trashy (well maybe just for Kyndra’s tattooed dirt bag) questioning techniques didn’t live up to the brilliant play on the fish-in-the-sea cliché for Season One’s Morgan or Stephen’s intricate hoax that ultimately drove a shocked Kristin into his arms. I’ve got to give Derek credit for pulling off the best asking this season by putting Lexie’s name on a movie marquee. Alex’s clumsy beachfront strategy, on the other hand, just didn’t work at all. He could have used some advice from Dieter who flawlessly pulled off the whole meet-me-here technique on Jessica two seasons ago.

Alex got all schizo on Rocky and, tactically unshaven and red-eyed, told her that he hadn’t slept in days, haunted by thoughts of not being with her. Rocky reluctantly agreed to give him a chance, but still managed to leave the scene date-less for Prom. It looks like Alex orchestrated the pairing of Tessa and Cory (Alex’s friend), but the randomness, according to Lexie can be a good thing: “It’s kinda weird if your date likes you.” Speaking of awkward situations with your date liking you, Derek was all about finally getting Lexie to hook-up with a breathing male in Laguna (obviously he wanted it to be him), but Lexie, in her heartless tone, told her girlfriends (including Derek’s latest conquest, Breanna) that she’d turn her head away if he even tried to kiss her.

Tessa and Rocky joined the pre-Prom festivities at Lexie’s house (despite their mutual hatred) where Alex got all weird on Rocky immediately. Rocky wouldn’t just brush off Alex’s uncharacteristic detachedness (um, isn’t he always disinterested when around Rocky?), returning his rudeness in the limo, where Tessa gave a foreshadowing-ly friendly greeting to Derek (see below).

Lexie, citing some ridiculous commitment to her dance practice early in the morning (um, shouldn’t her first priority be giving the producers the drama she signed on for), bailed out on Derek, who went right back to Tessa. Rocky’s tears made an appearance (they have somehow become the emblem of this season) in a typical Rocky-Alex argument (though instigator Cami -- aka Oprah -- was all up in their faces for this one) that ended in a kiss. Apparently when some people (cough, Lexie) fail to live up to the hooking-up quotas stipulated in the contract, others just have to work overtime.

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