TV Recap - Gossip Girl: Pret-A-Poor-J

“Wow. Someone loves Chuck Bass.”

Blair and Chuck continue their devilish dance this week. After Chuck rejected her last week, Blair, of course, cannot help but throw herself at him. Watching her try to seduce Chuck is actually kind of hilarious, as her moves include having him sniff her perfume and the ever popular, “spill a martini on his lap as an excuse to grope at his crotch in public” maneuver.

Neither one works, so Blair calls Dan for advice. As much as I love the idea of Blair and Dan becoming besties, he's only helping Blair out because Serena asked him to. In any case, he tells her to go intercept him, which entails dressing up in lingerie and waiting for Chuck in Serena's bedroom. It comes very close to working, but Chuck sees the text message that she sent to Serena, which proclaimed that bedding Chuck was going to be “so EZ.” Chuck immediately leaves, which just goes to show how unsexy childishly abbreviated text messages are. The moral of the story? If you write out “easy” instead of “ez,” you will have sex. Just something to keep in mind next time you break out the ol' Blackberry.

After Blair's second disastrous attempt at seduction in one evening, she pours her little heart out to Dan, who advises her to suck it up and tell her that she loves him. She tells Chuck to meet her at Rufus' gallery so she can do just that, but before she can, Vanessa tells Dan what Blair and Chuck did to her last week, so Dan totally undermines her, causing the entire thing to blow up in Blair's face and for Chuck to end it for good.

All is not lost though, when the unhappy couple meets up later and has a heart to heart. They realize that they're both unable to say “I love you,” not because it isn't true, but because they know that if they do, it will end what they have together. They're Chuck and Blair. They are completely and delightfully evil. People like them can't hold hands and go to the movies. They have to have the game. So they come to an understanding, which I'm definitely excited to see play out.

“We used to date; now we're just friends.”

I like how the whole Serena/Dan thing has kind of taken a back burner. It was more there in this episode than last weeks, but it still wasn't the center of attention. Serena and Dan are trying to be friends, which means that they're hanging out again and Dan is sucked back into the drama that surrounds her.

While Serena isn't having Dan solve the problems of people he hates, she's making eyes at the hipstery artist who's having a show at Rufus' gallery. He wears stupid Clark Kent glasses that aren't stupid because they're big and dorky, but stupid because I will bet five bucks that the lenses are completely clear and he just wears them as an affectation. He's that guy.

Anyway, that guy asks Serena out, but she tells him she's not dating at the moment, because she doesn't want to hurt poor Humphrey's feelings. Although, later, when she and Dan are baring their souls to each other, she tells him that she kind of wants to go out with the dude. What is Dan going to say? No? So he gives her his blessing, but seems to immediately regret it after Serena comes to the realization that she and Aaron already have a shared history, as they went to camp together.

The whole thing may be moot, however, as Serena ditches Dan to go find Aaron, only to see him ride away with another girl on the back of his motorcycle. Poor S. This Aaron guy bores me, so I hope he's not coming back. I doubt I'll be that lucky though.

“You work your ass off, and for what? So Eleanor can rip off your ideas?”

Little J gets a new friend and a new haircut that makes her look like a heroin addict. Most people would say that it's the friend, Agnes, who is responsible for Jenny's downward spiral in this episode, but I believe the haircut is just as guilty.

Anyway, Agnes convinces 15-year-old Jenny that she's way too good to waste her time interning for a successful, established designer like Eleanor Waldorf. Jenny takes her advice and spends her time drinking beer and mouthing off to Eleanor. Jenny even takes back the green dress that Serena accidentally wore on the runway in “The Serena Also Rises.” Consider that bridge burned.

You may think that metaphorically bitch-slapping Eleanor Waldorf would be the bottom of Jenny's downward spiral, but you would be so wrong. Afterwards, Jenny celebrates by stripping down to her bra and leggings and dancing around with Agnes as her creepy 20-something dude friend takes pictures. This whole scene makes me really uncomfortable, as Taylor Momsen, who plays Jenny is actually the same age as her character. I really don't feel as though I should be watching 15-year-olds dancing around in their bras on television. Call me old-fashioned.

Nate isn't very comfortable with the situation either, as he shows up to get Jenny out of the situation. She grudgingly decides to leave with him, but Nate's motives are soon shown to be anything but that of a concerned big-brother stand-in. He and Jenny start making out on the street, and it's quite disturbing. Mainly because Jenny starts attacking her face in a way that reminds me of the way my dog starts jumping up and wagging her tail like a spaz any time I have cheese in my hand.