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TV Recap: Grey's Anatomy - Kung Fu Fighting

This was an interesting week. Not a lot happened in tonight’s episode, but people sure talked about making stuff happen. George and Izzie talk about having their perfect night, Meredith talks about getting over her issues and being in a real relationship with Derek, and the Chief talks about having a…gentleman’s evening.

The idea of a “gentleman’s evening” is first brought up as the Chief and Derek are having breakfast together on the porch of their matching trailers. It’s just as adorable as you think it would be. The only thing that could make it cuter would be matching robes, and I’m not convinced that Derek wasn’t wearing his before he went out to the lake and caught breakfast. Anyway, since they’re both having woman problems, Chief suggests the aforementioned gentleman’s evening. Derek immediately thinks it’s a euphemism for strippers, and when he talks about it at the hospital, strippers and/or porn seems to be the general consensus. What I find weird about this is that while my mind is generally in the gutter, the first thing I thought of wasn’t a seedy strip club or a motel that rents by the hour, but tuxedos and baccarat. This is especially weird because I don’t even really know what baccarat is.

While Derek is using the Chief as his hetero-life partner who helps him through the pain of his relationship problems, Meredith is back in bed with Cristina. Mer finally realizes that she has a lot of problems and starts rattling off her symptoms in hopes of a diagnosis. Apparently you have to be a gifted surgeon to figure out that the whole “dad thing” plus the “mom thing” basically means Meredith has abandonment issues. In related news, if I don’t drink water for a long time, I’ve been known to have thirst issues.

In the on-call room, Izzie is creepily watching George sleep. Guys, this is never cute. I mean, I’ll watch a baby sleep; I’ll even watch my dog a little bit because she’s funny when she’s asleep; especially when she’s having her doggie dreams. But a grown person? That’s just gross to me. There are few things creepier than waking up to a dude staring you in the face. Ugh. Anyway, when George wakes up, Izzie tells him that they’ve been respectful of Callie for long enough (HA!) and that it’s time. Time for the sexin’. She goes on and on about wanting to have hot sex with George, and though I love them both individually, this whole scene just makes me want to go lie down—and whimper.

Patient roundup: Two women come in on the same gurney. At first I think there’s been another train crash and they’re impaled on the same pole—but no. What’s keeping them together is not twisted steel, but a wedding dress; not to mention ridiculous cultural expectations brought upon us by Zales commercials that equate amount of love with carat weight, too many Disney movies and way too many episodes of Sex and the City that make people think that every woman deserves/needs/MUST HAVE AT ANY COST a dream wedding in a fabulous wedding dress that costs more money than half of my college education, which if I had just found a rich dude to marry me, would not matter because I wouldn’t need a degree anyway. I have a dinner party to plan! But I digress. So these broads have been hanging onto this dress for two days because the last one to hold the taffeta in her cold, dead claws wins a $100,000 dream wedding. So naturally, they’ve nearly killed each other for it and both women have a wide array of cuts and broken bones.

A skydiver comes in after his parachute didn’t open. Thing is, he survived. And is talking. And he is also Roy from The Office. Hi Roy! I’ve been wondering what you’ve been doing since you got fired from Dunder-Mifflin. Cristina is, of course, all over this patient, but only because she hopes she can trade him for Izzie’s boring heart catheter. Dr. Han is still black-balling Cristina, so she is trying everything to get her hands on somebody’s heart. She tries to convince Izzie to trade with her by telling her she’s not hard-core enough to be a cardio-thoracic surgeon and that cardio is her husband and Izzie is stealing her husband away. Unfortunately for Cristina, that hits a little too close to home for our Izzie, so Cristina is back with Roy.

It seems as thought the routine heart surgery isn’t going to happen at all, since the patient is allergic to anesthesia. Yikes. Dr. Hahn and Izzie have to tell the avid birdwatcher that he’s dying and that he’ll never get to see that rare woodpecker he’s been dreaming about. Heh. I shouldn’t laugh, but come on. Hahn’s about to sign the birdwatcher’s discharge papers, when Cristina comes up with the idea of keeping him awake during the surgery. They’ll give him an epidural so he won’t feel anything below his neck, but he’ll still be able to hear, see and…smell everything. He thinks that idea is as gross as I do, but the chance to see that damn woodpecker makes him agree. And again, heh. Unfortunately, figuring out a way to save this guy’s life isn’t enough for Hahn to let Cristina scrub in. Cristina, I’m pretty sure it’s time to show some leg.

Callie is still upset with George (obviously) so she agrees to let Sloan torture him. When evil blonde wedding dress lady needs to go have shoulder surgery, Sloan makes George stand in for her. I guess this is embarrassing, but it seems like Sloan could have come up with way worse. George stands there holding onto the dress for several hours, or at least long enough to let us know who the good guy in this competition is. See, while evil blonde wedding dress lady is just greedy, nice brunette wedding dress lady is living her mom’s dream, which is apparently to go into debt so her daughter has a fabulous wedding. This isn’t exactly making me feel warm and fuzzy inside. But apparently it’s supposed to, because when she collapses and George lets go of the dress to catch her, everybody is happy when she eventually wins.

So Roy apparently defied all logic and fell 12,000 feet and sustained no injuries. He has to have his appendix removed, but come on. Turns out, he’s alive for a reason—to let Meredith know that she’s being ridiculous. Now that is a reason to live if I’ve ever heard one. Meredith uses her new-found wisdom to tell Roy that he needs to tell Pam, or his flight instructor, how he really feels. That pretty soon, the feeling that he’s a new person is going to go away and like Meredith, he’s going to turn back into a big ol’ coward.

It’s time for the awake open-heart surgery, and Izzie proves she’s hardcore enough for cardio by being a good hostess and making sure her patient is comfortable. It seems kind of silly at first, but when he starts freaking out midway through, she’s able to calm him down in a way Cristina never would have been able to do, and in the end saves the surgery and the birdwatcher’s life. Now that’s hardcore.

But really, you can only be hardcore for so long. When it finally becomes time for George and Izzie’s perfect evening, she lights candles, puts on her best PJ’s and starts sobbing. Aw, it’s like George and Meredith all over again! She tells George that she’s way too tired to have their perfect evening; in fact, she’s too tired to shave more than one of her legs. She and George go to sleep.

Meredith is back in bed with Cristina, and she finally admits that she can’t stop seeing Derek. He makes her feel safe and she’s not ready to give that up. Of course it took her three years and a near-death experience to figure out what I knew from just sitting on my couch, but hey—at least she finally gets it.

Derek finally gets what a “gentlemen’s night” is. It’s a night with no ladies. Go figure. Of course, the Chief ends up inviting Dr. Hahn, so that part goes out the window. However, they do play Monopoly, which is amazing.

Also amazing? Alex. He was nice to Lexie for about thirty seconds, and now she’s asking him out. He’s very cool when he explains that he’s not nice, he doesn’t date, he doesn’t call back and he’s hung up on someone else. What he doesn’t tell her is that he lives with Meredith—a fact that Lexie awkwardly finds out when she goes home with him. Ha! Love. Him.

Next week: Lexie becomes Meredith junior. Shudder.