TV Recap: Hell's Kitchen - You've Got Some Attitude Son

Previously: Chickens didn’t get slaughtered, Rosann set the kitchen on fire, and we finally got to say goodbye to Jackass Jason.

We open with Ramsey kicking everyone out of the restaurant after eliminations. Vanessa is crying, while the guys are just basically celebrating that they’re still there. It’s 12:35 AM, and Ramsey tells everyone to get downstairs and clean up the kitchens. We get our very first scandal when Corey just bails in the middle of it.

The next day, Ramsey gathers both teams in the kitchen and asks each team who their strongest member is. Corey nominates herself on the Red team, but they choose Jen. The blue team chooses my personal favorite, Ben. Ramsey doesn’t really do anything with this information and instead tells them that they’re having a special family dinner service that night.

Tonight’s challenge is all about freshness. The teams have to make fresh pasta—the team who makes the most perfect pasta in 20 minutes wins. The Blue team starts having problems when Matt just stands around with his arms out and Craig screws up the machine. The Red team, with Jen taking the lead, seems to be doing well.

When it comes time to weigh the pasta, the women jump out into the lead, but the men quickly catch up. In the end, however, they beat the Blue team by about a pound. As a penalty for losing, the Blue team has to prep all of the food for tonight’s dinner service. The Red team, however, gets to spend the day at the Santa Monica pier.

Okay, quick note about the part where they show the winners and the losers. The guys are back in the kitchen bitching and making pasta. Matt says something to the effect of he hopes the women get stuck upside down on the roller coaster and “all that cellulite in Corey’s ass goes into her brain.” First of all, what? That doesn’t make any damn sense. Second of all, you’re attacking a tall, skinny chick for having cellulite? Whether she does or not, that is some tough talk from a dude who looks like a cross between David Gest and George Costanza.

We go to commercial with Ben going outside to see what they’ve brought in to amuse the children. All we see are balloons, but apparently, whatever else is there stinks. I’m hoping it’s ponies or some sort of petting zoo and not a poorly-cleaned ball pit. Fact: those things are filled with fecal matter. Just something to keep in mind next time you drop the kids off at Ikea.

Luckily for the children, it is a petting zoo with a sign that says “Hell’s Playground.” I’m so taking my kids there every weekend. That’s amazing. Anyway, unluckily for Ben, he gets put in charge of cleaning the poo. That’s what being the strongest member of your team gets you. Who says reality TV is exploitative?

So the Red team is a little worried about dinner service, since they just learned the menu a half an hour ago. Jen points out that it’s pasta, hamburger and onion rings. If they can’t do that, she doesn’t know what they can do. Good point. As Craig helpfully points out, cooking pasta “isn’t rocket sciences.” Oh, Craig.

Ramsey calls everyone together to give his “don’t screw up, or I’ll kill you” pep talk, and tells them that as an extra incentive, the first team to complete the dinner service will be the winner of the night. So he’s expecting at least one team to actually finish. I know they’re just making onion rings, but that’s still a level of optimism we haven’t seen from Ramsey so far this season.

Dinner service starts off well for the Red team, with Vanessa sending out some very nice appetizers. The Blue team, however, hits a roadblock early on when Ben sends out some really pathetic onion rings. Ben fixes the problem, only to have Matt try to kill all of the children by sending out raw Buffalo wings. The Red team is chugging away, when Vanessa sets the kitchen on fire and burns her hand pretty severely. It’s bad enough that she gets bandaged up and driven to the hospital.

Even missing a teammate, the Red team pulls ahead. The Blue team is further stymied by Matt’s inability to cook a burger and Craig’s inability to tell the difference between meatballs and clams. The Red team finishes their dinner service first and Ramsey sends them over to help the Blue team. They’re trying to get out the last ticket and Craig has a mini meltdown/hissyfit. It’s pretty hilarious. As Jen says, “you’ve got some attitude, son.”

After dinner service, Gordon singles out Jen as the best chef in both kitchens. He tells Ben that he’s surprised in his performance, and Ben gets all excited and proud. It’s really sad, because Ramsey makes it clear that he did not mean that in a good way. Ramsey chooses Bobby as “best of the worst.”

Bobby nominates Craig and Matt for elimination, which is a great set of nominations, as they consistently do little besides drag the team down. Ramsey, however, is really pissed at Ben, so he calls him up to the front as well. In the end, he decides to eliminate Craig. Thank God; that guy is ridiculously bad.

Next Week: They would like us to believe that romance is blossoming on Hell’s Kitchen, but it’s not. Meanwhile, Vanessa is struggling to compete with one hand.