”lavalantula”

While Syfy has a slew of interesting series coming out over the next year or so, it would be remiss of everyone on Earth to think that the network had turned its back on making incredibly bizarre mash-up creature features. You know you’ve all made jokes about what the next one would be, and I’m admittedly enthused to announce that the network will next destroy the world with Lavalantula! How has that not been a WWE wrestler name already?

Just in case you’re unable to unravel this mystery and can't quite grasp what the teaser poster above is all about, Lavalantula will take place in the Santa Monica Mountains, where a set of ancient volcanoes erupt and spew out a bunch of giant tarantulas that breathe lava. Are we all on board with that? Giant spiders with molten breath are going to be going berserk all over Los Angeles, burning people alive. And you’ll never guess who will be there to try and stop them.

Steve Guttenberg, he of Three Men and a Baby fame, will be teaming up with his Police Academy co-stars Leslie Easterbrook and sound effects extraordinaire Michael Winslow for the film. Assisting these three will be Nia Peeples (Pretty Little Liars) and Ralph Garman (A Million Ways to Die in the West). For a flick like Sharknado 2: The Second One, it’s mildly understandable (by Syfy standards) how a squad of people could take on sharks dropping from the sky, especially since some of them had already faced a previous sharknado. But how can any handful of humans possibly stop massive spiders from breathing fire and lava all over a metropolitan city? That's not a rhetorical question, but I don't care about the answer.

Regardless of how it happens, let’s all take a few minutes to consider just how amazing it would be if Winslow is given a chance to put his noisemaking talents to work. Check some of them out in the video below, which is just the tip of the iceberg.



There’s something of a silver lining to be had with Lavalantula, even beyond its subject matter and cast. It will be directed by Mike Mendez, who directed last year’s enjoyable B-movie creature feature Big Ass Spider! with Greg Grunberg. That pic knew exactly what kind of movie it was and played to it in a fun way. Will Lavalantula have the same kind of self-aware style, or will it attempt something resembling seriousness? And finally, are we going to witness the first stage of the Gutten-aissance?

We hope you aren’t waiting for Lavalantula to warm you up during the upcoming winter season, for Syfy won’t be adding it to the schedule until Summer 2015. Time to stock up on flame-retardant jumpsuits.

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