10,000 Gamers Beg Microsoft To Bring Back Xbox One's DRM

This is it folks, we've hit the meltdown stage of trolling where you couldn't even pay enough reputation managers to troll up the internet this bad. Circle-jerking has just gone full retard and the nuclear fallout has made the console war a real dangerous place right now. Flameproof jockstraps or gtfo.

After the initial petition to bring back the Xbox One's DRM went viral with anger and disgust, certain members of certain communities caught wind of the movement and decided to move in like vultures on a carcass, memes on a circlejerk thread, or the Kardasians on rich black athletes.

The ensuing result of gamers becoming privy to the intelligent-deficient intentions of the petition from misinformed, anti-consumer consumers has resulted in more than 10,000 signatures being handed in across two separate petitions. This all originated from angry gamers who really want to bring back that mythical Xbox One function made of sun tears and Unicorn semen... that little something-something called the Family Share Plan.

What the petitions at Change.org received instead were the offspring of trolls who routed their anger in mass to drive up the attention of the petition(s) for a two-fold purpose: First, the 4Chan trolls are attempting to bring enough recognition to the petition to get Microsoft's attention and, hopefully, convince them to reconsider doing another 180 on the Xbox One, effectively making it the Xbox 360-2.

Second, not to be outdone by 4Chan, Neogaf has also taken up arms in the race to out-troll 4Chan by raising the stakes in an effort to quickly mobilize an anti-Xbox One DRM campaign to get the reinstated DRM removed again, effectively turning the Xbox 360-2 into the Xbox 540, in which case, we would be one 180 away from the true title: The Xbox 720, which was N4G's master plan all along.

In essence, the petition here and here, are now being usurped for the purpose of getting the Xbox One's name changed into the Xbox 720 via convincing Microsoft to double re-reverse the policies multiple times... or at least, that seems to be the general gist of the troll?

Alternatively, YouTube Illuminati and Doritocracy conspiracy theorists speculate that the petitions were actually started with the left over Gears of War money from Cliffy Bleszinski, who really wants to end used games, but since he's been banned from every gaming forum out there and no one will listen to his Twitter whines like a cat in heat anymore, the petitions were the only way he could be heard.

However, it turns out that the Illuminati conspiracy theorists actually guesstimate that the real work comes courtesy of Sony guerrilla marketers using Cliffy B's money under the guise of disgruntled Xbox fanboys while pretending to be reputation managers. This is money that Cliffski would have spent on Mother's California Gold car wax for his Lamborghini, which was actually made in a Nazi sweatshop over in Honningsvåg, Norway. But instead, the guerrilla marketers are using the Nazi funds to rile up enough support from the gaming community in order to convince Microsoft to re-DRM the Xbox One and make it the most fail gaming console to ever land on the market, even worse than the Virtual Boy, ensuring a clean-cut victory for the PlayStation 4. This multi-ten dollar campaign is highly ambitious and according to conspiracy theorists... it just might work.

In reality, even if the petitions started out with the serious intent of getting the Xbox One back to what it was – the very thing that would have destroyed home console gaming – it's no longer something controlled or dictated by users who are serious about the Xbox One's features; it's a mammoth internet machine swaying to the viral ebb and flow of community driven trollism.

I'll leave you with this epic post from Phukfaic McGee, because Phuckme Deearem's post was removed, check it out below, and don't forget to do your part and help confuse the living crap out of Microsoft, who will undoubtedly have zero clue how to respond to this epic movement of spiteful proportions...

I love restrictions. I want always online DRM. I want the game rental business to become obsolete. I don't want to let my friends borrow games, because fuck them. All I care about is my god damn new age console that'll blow everything else out of the water! Fuck the PS4 and fuck those Sony guys for catering to fans who care about their gaming experience. Fuck PC, that shit is stupid. Steam? Fuck that shit. They never have sales or anything. It's not as affordable as buying my games from the XBL marketplace. I love Microsoft and their business practices will be the best forever. Fuck yes. <3 Xbox.

Good trolling, and good luck.

Oh yeah, and Microsoft... these are for you. You're going to need 'em, kid.

Will Usher

Staff Writer at CinemaBlend.