I’m a bit down in the dumps. Why? I’m now 36 hours removed from an ER visit after breaking my ankle while fighting crime (falling off a ladder). But I know something that can start the healing process! Talking about a few movies ought to do the trick. This week we get expendable, give, and become cops. And all the while I get to take my mind off a non-displaced fracture to the left fibula.

Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.

The Expendables 3
Rotten Watch Prediction
I have a feeling the storyboarding and "creative" process for The Expendables films more resembles what it was like when I packed up the Uhaul while moving out of my house. I wasn’t going for artistic aesthetic, but rather working to cram as much of my shit as possible into a small space. Come hell or high water, all of my stuff was getting in that thing. These movies are driven by the idea of, "Who cares what happens, just make sure everyone fits!"

See how they pack it all on screen in the trailer for The Expendables 3:

If you are a somewhat legitimate actor in Hollywood and haven’t gotten the call to be in The Expendables franchise yet, you are firing your agent, no? This trilogy of movies has seen to it that every dude who’s ever appeared in anything remotely resembling an action movie has scored at least a bit part. If you are Ted Danson or Tommy Lee Jones, you’re just a little annoyed at this point, right? This seems the equivalent of not getting the rush call to the fraternity. Kelsey Freaking Grammar made the cut.

This franchise is what it is. It appears to know its lane (though it shot for a PG-13 rating this time around), and seeks to capitalize on every action movie cliche with super star-power behind it. But what started as a novel idea may have run its course. The franchise has scored around a half billion dollars in box office moola while varying in critical opinion. The Expendables came in at 41% while The Expendables 2 outperformed most expectations with a score of 65%. This latest is coming in flat with early reviews, the movie currently sitting in the mid-thirties. Considering the most positive reviews typically come in first, I can’t imagine we see much of a surge over the course of the week. It may hold steady, but I feel like that’s a best case scenario. Now, let’s cut to Val Kilmer getting in shape hoping he can make it into The Expendables 4.

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