The weirdest spoilers are below for anyone who hasn't watched at least the second episode of Fuller House's second season.
Fuller House Season 1 was the Queen of Cheesy Television in 2016, and Netflix subscribers didn't even have to wait until 2017 before another full season dropped on our laps. Speaking of dropping, that happened to our jaws during Episode 2 of the second season, when Game Night at the Tanner-Fuller/Gibbler household offered D.J. what was assumedly the strangest date of her life, and it came courtesy of iconic TV dad Alan Thicke, who was far creepier here than he was as Jason Seaver on Growing Pains. And his name was Mike...
D.J. found her boyfriend dilemma solved in the season premiere when both Steve and Matt revealed they had other girlfriends. Steve is with C.J., a pitch-perfect clone of Deej, while Matt is with Crystal, whose sympathy for D.J.'s singleness on Game Night is the reason Mike was there. Here's what Crystal did: she brought her grandfather as a blind date for the host of a party where the only guests are the host's ex-boyfriends and their current belles. I suppose you NEED a past sitcom stalwart to draw attention away from the bizarre plot construction. And boy, does Thicke bring the goods. Or the bads, as it were.
Things were immediately upsetting for D.J., whose politeness kept her from dashing out of the house, though Stephanie's cackles likely made the prospect of escape more tempting. The leering Mike was clearly interested in taking the games to the bedroom, or wherever, I guess, and he wasn't hesitant about putting his granddaughter through the torture of mentally picturing his libido in use. This line, in particular, slayed me.
Mike here. If you're wondering, my number is 72. But not under the hood. Vroom-vroom.
I wanted my computer to take a bath after seeing that. This is an episode where Fernando's rear nether regions were pixelated when he bent over in a too-short robe, and where Stephanie and Brother Gibbler went crazy making out. But somehowk, the oddest example of sexuality came from Alan Thicke.
Things got a little less gross, but no less uncomfortable, once Mike showed the world that he is the worst player of games ever. Perhaps it's good this all happened inside D.J.'s house so that it didn't have to end with a five-minute scene on a front step with Mike trying to sneak a kiss in.
I almost prefer to think of this Mike as the Mike Seaver of Growing Pains after an extremely rough patch in life, in the aftermath of Ben's mass murder spree. This whole storyline is particularly amusing, considering how long actress Candace Cameron-Bure has known Alan Thicke, who made a much more normal appearance as himself on This is Us' series premiere. Kirk Cameron, her brother, was the schmoozy Mike Seaver on Growing Pains.
Both seasons of Fuller House are currently available for streaming on Netflix, with all 13 second season episodes having premiered this morning. To see what else is coming to the streaming service, check out our 2017 Netflix schedule. And then head over to our midseason premiere schedule to see what else the small screen has to offer in the new year.