I just moved and I’m still working out the kinks of my new DVR, so I missed the first 30 seconds or so. When things start up for me, Meredith is sitting on a psychiatrist’s couch and making ridiculous statements like, “I don’t have problems.” Now, I know it’s been a long time since we’ve seen this show, but that is not how I remember things.

George and Lexie have moved in together, in one of those comically bad TV apartments that don’t exist in the real world, complete with giant mutant cockroaches. I’ve lived in Harlem, (the non-trendy part of) Brooklyn, and The Bronx, and while someone may or may not have been shot outside my window once, my living situation in each of those places was a whole lot better when I was selling comedy club tickets and making like $400 a week than the one in which these two doctors currently find themselves. My point is, don’t believe everything you see on TV, kids. Cities are fun!

Apparently there’s some sort of surgical contest going on that has caused the gang to live in the hospital for the past two weeks and for Izzie to chop off all of her “hot hair” (much to George’s dismay) since keeping it clean was getting in the way of her winning. There’s a lot of running around and hip checking, and we still don’t find out what the contest or the fabulous prize is, only that Cristina is winning (of course). Izzie’s way behind, so when a seemingly boring case of a man with a swollen ankle comes in, she pounces on it. Right after she leaves, a car screeches into the ambulance bay full of bloody people. Apparently there’s been a bear attack, so that’s pretty cool—or at least it seems that way until Cristina helps one of the victims out of the car and gets a handful of intestines. That’s right—“intestines in the hand!”

So, this episode doesn’t exactly get less gross. When we come back, the doctors are kind of placing the intestines back into that guy’s stomach. It looks exactly like sausage links. Meanwhile, the guy’s brother, who was the driver, was bitten by the bear cub and now has holes in his hand. His wife says that she’s fine, but when she takes off her hat, it turns out she’s been kind of scalped. Basically, it’s pretty awful.

Speaking of awful, Izzie’s desperate bid for points is freaking her poor patient out. She keeps saying things like, “there’s no reason to worry…yet,” and it’s making the poor guy just want to run away. Izzie really thinks there’s something wrong with him though, so when Bailey challenges her decision to give a spinal tap for an ankle injury, she rattles off a bunch of reasons why the patient needs a full work up and Bailey tells her to proceed. Unfortunately for Izzie, it turns out nothing is wrong with the guy and he gets pretty pissed when she tells him that she put him through hell because he has a minor case of the flu.

The Bear Attack Family all seems to be doing pretty well, even the one with the intestines on the outside of his body. Meredith, however, won’t leave well enough alone. She takes the fact that Bear Attack Guy touched the bear cub despite knowing better and his rushing into marriage with “the rebound girl” as signs of a neurological defect. She gives him a few basic tests and gets way too excited when she thinks he has a tumor.

George thinks Meredith is doing unnecessary medical procedures when she wants to give Bear Attack guy an MRI. She proves him wrong, however, when she finds a big ol’ tumor. Unfortunately, the tumor is inoperable. The day keeps getting worse when Bear Attack’s brother bleeds out and dies. So one brother’s dead, the other brother is dying, and Bear Attack guy’s wife is questioning the entire validity of her marriage, asking Meredith if she’s just a symptom of the tumor. It’s not often you survive a bear attack and it turns out not to be the worst part of your day, so that’s pretty impressive.

Bear Attack Guy’s tumor puts Meredith over the top and she wins the contest. The prize is a really hideous rhinestone pager—but it’s a magical hideous rhinestone pager. For the next three months, any time the residents get a surgery, they have to page Meredith first and if she wants it, she can take the surgery right from them.

So Sloan seems to be the voice of the audience this week, as he seems to be as creeped out as I am by Derek and Rose. He doesn’t like that they’re together, as she is taking away from Derek/Sloan time. Derek says he could be serious about her, but it’s super unconvincing. He can’t even get excited about this storyline.

Lexie’s main purpose this episode is to be mumbley, twitchy and annoying. She steals everything from the hospital that isn’t nailed down and uses it to decorate her and George’s “crapartment.” I’m sure some sick person is missing their $100 flower arrangement. Oh, Lexie. You’re really good at making me hate Meredith less.

After avoiding Derek for most of the episode, she approaches him about starting a clinical trial for people with brain tumors like Bear Attack guy. Rose sees them talking and looks appropriately jealous. Yawn. The episode ends with Meredith back in the psychiatrist’s office ready to talk.

I don't know. For me, this episode was kind of boring. Nothing very happened with the main characters' stories. I don't know if the writers purposely wrote this show with no big revelations in order to ease us back in or what, but I really feel like we needed a more exciting reintroduction to the series so we can remember what we've been missing.

Next Week: Ava’s back, and she’s pregnant! Addison’s back too. She’s not pregnant, but she’s pissed at Meredith for letting Derek get away. Oh, and apparently people think Callie and Dr. Hahn are a couple.

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