They don't call it the Winter Olympics for nothing. A quick look at the current weather for the 2022 competitions in Beijing, China indicates that it's 24 degrees Fahrenheit, but the real feel is closer to 12 degrees. That and worse conditions have been the case since the games first kicked off on February 4. On a hilarious note, though, a report just came out about how a Finnish skier actually had to use a heat pack to unthaw his frozen penis after one particularly gnarly race.
The truly unfortunate male skier in question was Finland’s Remi Lindholm. He spoke to media from his home country (via the New York Post) in the wake of his 1 hour and 16 minute-long course yesterday, which was cut down by officials from 50 kilometers down to 30 kilometers due to the freezing temperatures. Apparently, the Olympic race marks the second public occurrence of Lindholm’s penis freezing. As he tells it, the situation was pretty brutal. (So why am I chuckling a bit?) He shared:
Remi Lindholm didn't win anything for his troubles, either, as he came in 28th place out of all the other skiers. Lucky for him, the heating pack was invented, allowing him to unthaw the appendage at the Winter Olympics. (Again, why am I laughing? And why am I thinking of that scene in Frozen when Anna gets unfrozen after being a human icicle?) According to the skier, the warming process was equally as bad as the freezing process, saying:
We've been learning a lot about the weird occurrences to happen with the professional athletes at the Winter Olympics. Namely, the tape that everyone and their mother has been wearing on their faces is for protection against the harsh winds and plummeting temps. Likewise, the bobsledders evidently don't have to literally push the sled all the way back up hill themselves. And future retirees like to wear tiger suits on their last runs…
Nevertheless, the Olympic Games are serious endeavors. Frozen penises and tape masks notwithstanding, they in fact pose some risk to the athletes attempting to break records and gain glory. Just a few days ago, another Finnish skier in Jon Sallienen flew straight into a cameraman on the halfpipe and then into the boards beyond. Don't worry, he's fine now. Remi Lindholm has since recovered, too, though the jury is out on whether the public will subsequently refer to him as "frozen penis guy." Unfortunately for him, that nickname might just stick if he keeps it up – or is it down?
Anyway, today officially concludes the 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics, and audiences can check out the closing ceremony where it is streaming online. While I don’t think it can top the viral shirtless Tongan flag bearer (who bowed out ever so gracefully), the ceremony should still be a sight to behold.
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Freelance writer. Favs: film history, reality TV, astronomy, French fries.