Bachelor In Paradise Season 10 Premiere Live Blog Watchalong: I’m Talking Big Changes, Hot Hookups And More

Welcome To Costa Rica!

It sure is good to be back on the beach, and I can’t wait to see what the new filming location has to offer! I hear there’s air conditioning this season … hello, upgrade! Anyway, thanks for watching along with me tonight!

What. Happened. On. This. Beach?

All right, I’m into this. We open to the “Final Day of Paradise,” with the beach looking like a hurricane decimated it. Furniture everywhere, a bikini top hanging off of an umbrella and a sunburnt Jesse Palmer laid out on a lawn chair. Then a quick rewind of the events that preceded it. I saw twerking, I saw a bag of money, lots of engagement rings, rose ceremonies, kissing, Goldens, kissing Goldens.

A better person than me will go frame by frame and break down all of that. Not me, friends, we’ve got more Paradising to do.

Spencer Conley And Alexe Godin Are First Arrivals

We officially have singles on the beach! Spencer Conley from Jenn Tran's season and Alexe Godin from Grant Ellis' season are the first man and woman of Season 10. Historically that means they're hoping for long runs and big love stories, so we'll have to see what happens ....

Alexe seemed so funny on The Bachelor, so I'm looking forward to seeing more of her on BiP.

No More 'Almost Paradise'?

Rather than the traditional intro package that we're used to - with the cast members usually doing something stupid to the tune of "Almost Paradise," we just got the logo and a short burst of the song. I don't know if that means they've done away with the silly intros for Season 10, or if they'll start it next week after the majority of the cast is on the beach.

Nobody Else Remembers Who Kyle Is Either

If you don't recognize Kyle Howard from Katie Thurston's season, you're not alone. That seems to be the same as everybody else there.

I can already see this being a running gag. "What's his name again?"

Arrivals ... And More Arrivals.

The 3-hour runtime is starting to make sense. We're a half-hour into the show already, and pretty much all we've seen is people getting out of cars. It's getting a little repetitive, but at least with over 2 hours to go, there will still be plenty of time for drama.

Also, the show looks great, and everybody looks amazing! (Even if we're all struggling to remember who they are. Right? Just me?)

Wow With The Khakis!

Finally, we've got Jesse Palmer officially opening Paradise and introducing Wells Adams (YES to the swim-up bar) and Hannah Brown! These guys look like they just walked away from the popular kids table in the cafeteria of a '90s teen movie.

New Life Goal: Stay At A Resort Where You Can Swim From Your Room To The Bar.

These accommodations are WILD! I love that they get their own beds in the air conditioning. It's like every room could be the Boom Boom Room! I am such a sucker for a swim-up bar, too.

Oh No, Not The Bugs!

Well, it took less than an hour to ruin Paradise. I'm like Bailey Brown and Kat Izzo here. If there's that many bugs, I'm out.

OK, I’m Loving Spencer And Jess Together.

We have our FIRST KISS IN PARADISE! Things seem to be getting pretty serious pretty quick for Jess Edwards and Spencer Conley. They bonded over their trauma of being cheated on, and then frolicked in the waves. They are cute.

Kyle called it. Spencer and Jess are getting married.

Dale Moss Has Shut Down Paradise!

Well, well, well, Clare Crawley's ex-fiance Dale Moss has made it to the beach - on a yacht no less - and wow did everybody take note:

• Ricky: Handsome, perfect smile, clear eyes. Like what? Was he made in a lab?
• Kat: He's a man. Dale Moss, definitely a lot of man. He's a whole man, let me just tell you that.
• Hakeem: Dude mad handsome.
• Alexe: Oh my goodness, who is this tall, beautiful blue-eyed man?
• Bailey: I'm kind of just like [expletive] a brick right now. I'm just like, 'Oh my God. He's so attractive.'
• Brian: Tall, dark, handsome, absolute stud.

I love how they all clocked that Dale's abs made defined sweat marks on the front of his shirt. Paradise will never be the same.

'We Love A Tired Man.'

I am dying over Kat Izzo's "men above the age of 30" TED Talk:

• "Any man above the age of 30, testosterone's a little lower, so they're a little bit more sleepier. We love a tired man, OK?"

Y'all stop online bullying this girl, she is funny.

Kat's Got The Wrong Kind Of Butterflies In Her Stomach.

If I'm seasick, I really don't think making out with someone is going to help the situation. Kat Izzo didn't seem bothered by it, but oh man, I was starting to feel a little queasy on her behalf. 🤢

Our First Informational Exercise!

OK, calling this activity an "Informational Exercise" is the worst branding ever, but I actually kind of love this "getting to know you" kind of game.

• Jonathon: "Why do I get Squid Games vibes?"

Definitely some interesting factoids here.

Hakeem And Ricky Are Having The Most 'Vanilla' Argument Ever

OK, so Ricky Marinez called Hakeem Moulton's factoids about himself "vanilla," and now they're arguing over it. Great job, Ricky, you just gave Alexe the ick.

Wells Bringing The Golden Humor Already (Or Trying To)

The Goldens aren't even here yet, but Wells Adams is ready with the jokes. When Sam McKinney walked up to the bar, Wells asked how he'd made his big arrival:

• Sam: It was a 1968 Harley. Dude, it was the oldest thing I have ever been on.
• Wells: There's still time, the Goldens are coming.

Sam found the joke funny, but otherwise it was crickets, and I don't think anybody even heard Wells acknowledge that his joke had flown over everyone's heads. It's hard out here for a bartender.

Two Hours In, And The Love Triangles Are Triangulating!

The first episode of Bachelor in Paradise typically features the formation of a love triangle, and it looks like we've got at least two:

• Alexe, Ricky, Jonathon: Alexe really seems more into Jonathon, but Ricky must be a damn good kisser, because that's keeping him alive for now. I can understand why he does not want to be up against Jonathon, who is, "like, perfect," in his words. Oof that's hard to argue.
• Jess, Spencer, Sam: Jess and Spencer look practically married already, so what in the world is she doing on a date with Sam? Do not ruin this for me, McKinney!

'No Woman Wants A Man That Can Wear Her Pants.'

Thanks to Spencer for these words of wisdom. Out of context, I can't tell if this is supposed to be a Sam McKinney insult, or if the editors just threw this in randomly while their love triangle was being discussed.

A Zoe McGrady Appreciation Post

I love that Zoe McGrady is continuing the color scheme she started on Grant Ellis' season of The Bachelor in wearing predominantly green. We've seen three different iterations of green outfits tonight so far, and I hope this continues for as long as she's on this season.

That's not to say there aren't other colors mixed in (we also saw orange and yellow), but it just brings me joy to see that the green is back.

Is Justin Glaze's Past Relationship With Susie Evans Going To Hurt Him Here?

It seems strange that people in Bachelor Nation would worry too much about dating the same people. That is the entire purpose of the franchise after all. However, Lexi Young feels really hung up on the fact that Justin Glaze and Susie Evans dated, and it sounds like it might prevent her from exploring a connection with him.

Wells Adams Is Making Drinks But Spilling Tea.

It seems like Wells Adams is just gonna bring the shade this season. He's got eyes and ears on everything, and he's definitely not afraid to share his thoughts:

• "You've got Ricky, who comes on so strong, like a guy who's got way too much cologne in an elevator."
• "Then you've got Kyle who's just, like, so passive and just like, 'I'll be waiting when you're ready!'"
• "Bailey and Jeremy ... Am I the only one that's thinking that Bailey is way out of his league? I mean, the guy is redder than a tomato."
• "I think [Jess'] heart is saying Sam, and I think her brain is being like, 'We gotta stay with the golden retriever here that looks like Clark Kent.'"

Wait, did he say Jeremy was out of Bailey's league because he got a sunburn?

Hakeem Makes This Spiral Look Good.

This man is going all out to secure a rose, and I'm not sure it's going to work in his favor, but I am LOVING the white suit with the pink shirt.

Rose Ceremony Results

We've reached the end of Paradise's first week! So who are the couples sticking around for more? Remember, the women gave out roses tonight:

• Lexi and Justin
• Zoe and Brian
• Kat and Dale
• Jess and Spencer
• Bailey and Jeremy
• Alexe and Jonathon

That means that Sam McKinney, Kyle Howard (who?), Hakeem Moulton and Ricky Marinez are on their way out after just one week. At least they got a three-hour episode.

'Sorry, Memaw.'

The rose ceremony provided a great moment, when Spencer and Jess shared quite the steamy kiss after he received her rose. Somebody (I couldn't tell who!) commented that Spencer's pants looked a little tighter, Jesse Palmer said:

• "This is a family show, just remember."

Just to have them reply:

• "Sorry, Memaw."

Ouch, not bringing out the "Memaw!" I'm dead.

BRING ON THE GOLDENS!

Yeah, I want to stay at that beautiful resort in the air conditioned rooms and swim from my room to the bar with all the men with their ab-sweated shirts. But I didn't get true FOMO until I saw the preview of the Goldens absolutely tearing it up in Paradise.

I officially want to party like I'm 65.

Thanks For Following Along!

This was a pretty good start to Bachelor in Paradise Season 10, and honestly the three hours flew by much quicker than it does for season finales, so no complaints here! Tune in to see what goes down in Costa Rica when BiP continues at 8 p.m. ET next Monday, July 14, on ABC and streaming the next day on Hulu.