There aren’t many comedians with better track records than Tina Fey. The former Saturday Night Live head writer has done everything from sketch comedy to making movies to television to Broadway to publishing, and she’s found success in pretty much everything she’s tried. It’s a credit to her wide variety of interests, as well as her wit which has proven to be applicable to pretty much everything she’s tried.
All that success is also a credit to how widely accessible her comedy is. That’s not to say she’s never doing high concept bits or niche material, but a lot of what she finds funny is broadly relatable. Her perspective also feels entirely reasonable, which is probably why she often plays the straight woman with a biting wit in a lot of her roles.
If you’re looking for a laugh or just a reminder of why Tina Fey is such a national treasure, here are some of her funniest and most enjoyable quotes.
“Some people say ‘Never let them see you cry.’ I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.”
This quote is from Tina Fey’s best-selling page-turner Bossypants, and it’s a perfect example of the comedian’s style. It’s a razor-sharp amalgamation of a joke, an honest assessment, and thoughtful life advice. You don’t want to be the person who cries all the time, but sometimes an unexpected cry can cause everyone to stop and actually work to improve the situation.
“Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.”
Tina Fey has been married for more than two decades now, but once upon a time, she was alone and being bombarded by songs about love. We’ve all been there, silently listening to a song that’s meant to glorify a relationship that we can’t connect with in the slightest. As that type of music goes, however, better it be Whitney Houston than many of her competitors.
“Living a lie will eat you up inside. Like that parasite I got from eating sushi on Amtrak”
This quote is from 30 Rock, and it’s perfectly in keeping with her character, who thinks about food incessantly and is always willing to take a chance on risky dishes. As a big sushi fan, I get the impulse, and as someone who has been burned before, I relate to the downsides.
“Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that pushup last year for nothing!”
I'm always here for some good self-deprecating humor, and that type of comedy is often a central part of Tina Fey’s schtick. Her 30 Rock character Liz Lemon took a lot of jabs at herself, but because she was also a successful career woman with hilarious one-liners about other people too, the jokes about herself never felt awkward or uncomfortable, just hilarious.
“(Lovers?) Oh that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.”
While I'm not someone who's opposed to pineapple myself, there's no real doubt that meat pizza, or maybe meatza, is a national treasure. If you think you’re too good for it, you can exit out of this article and go find something else to read. Or, you can use some common sense, cancel whatever plans you have and order a meat lovers pizza for dinner tonight. Go ahead, thank me later.
"Oh, Pete. That's later. Maybe we'll be dead by then."
A lot of Tina Fey jokes ride that line between morbid and life-affirming. I can't get this one in particular out of my head, because it's a perfect example of taking the common premise of people telling you to do stuff because you have a limited amount of time, and it recommends you not do stuff because you have a limited amount of time. It’s just a well-crafted joke.
(On Why She Didn’t Take A Longer Maternity Leave) “I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract; the baby and I have only a verbal agreement."
Tina Fey missed about a month and a half of SNL episodes after she gave birth to her daughter back in 2005. She was asked by reporters why she returned to the show, and she dropped that fantastic quote about being more contractually tied by NBC than her daughter. The tongue-in-cheek response simultaneously is great because it's very funny, but also simultaneously says a lot.
"I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that, if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs."
Sometimes being intelligent and judgmental is a tough combination. It leads to a lot of eye rolls, which Tina Fey hilariously made light of with this joke about being so frustrated it’s causing medical problems. In her defense, sometimes trying not to react with your face to something really stupid feels like it’s going to cause a medical problem too.
"I had a great time doing (Sarah Palin) but it was one of the strangest things that's ever happened to me. You can grow up thinking, ‘I want to be on Saturday Night Live one day’ or ‘I want to be in a movie someday’, but you never think, ‘I hope there's a politician who looks just like me.’
Tina Fey has spoken often about not being particularly into impressions, but sometimes the perfect character finds you. The comedian talked about that in an interview with The Times in which she admitted it was an opportunity she did absolutely nothing to earn but found a lot of success in doing.
“If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down.”
Because the show involves a lot of creative types and actors with big personalities, 30 Rock spends a lot of time grappling with fame and all the various opportunities out there. In those instances, Fey’s Liz Lemon is often the detached observer, and none of her quotes have ever rang more true than this one.
"How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by Regina George?"
I struggled with how many Mean Girls quotes to put on this list because it feels like there so many that have entered popular culture. Tina Fey wrote them all, but I picked this one, as it’s the only one she personally says in the movie. After Mean Girls' Regina George gives a speech about how she shouldn’t have to be involved in a group therapy session because she didn’t do anything wrong, Fey’s character shames her in the best possible way; Fey later said it felt like deja vu to re-film the gym scene for the 2024 movie.
"I believe that all anyone really wants in this life is to sit in peace and eat a sandwich."
Have you ever met someone whose mood didn’t at least momentarily improve by eating a really delicious sandwich? OK maybe Sally from When Harry Met Sally and a number of other picky orderers in some of the best rom-coms. Regardless, everyone always obsesses over life’s big decisions and rightfully so. Choices like who to marry and whether to have kids are certainly important, but sometimes the thing that has the biggest effect on our daily happiness level is ordering the right thing off the menu.
“You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.”
I love this quote because it’s both a funny observation and great life advice. We’ve all seen that kid at the top of the waterslide (or woman on The Amazing Race) who cannot decide whether to go down or not. Sometimes you just have to close your eyes and go through the chute because the alternative of not doing it is worse than the risk of doing it.
“You know I can’t wear green, Jenna! The Clinique lady says I have witch undertones.”
One of the best things about Tina Fey’s comedy is simply how she words things. She’s very good at coming up with funny scenarios, but she’s also good at choosing really specific words that make that scenario as funny as possible. The basic joke here of choosing or not choosing certain colors because of make-up advice is a solid and relatable one, but the phrase “witch undertones” really boils that cauldron.
“Realizations are the worst.”
You might think the point of life is self-improvement, but when you realize things about yourself, you have to actually work to change them. That’s the hilarious premise behind Liz Lemon’s realization about realizations, and it’s extremely relatable. Change is hard, and not changing is so much easier.
“Really? I already have a drink. Do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks?
Sometimes the fastest way to a girl’s heart isn’t through a drink. It’s through mozzarella sticks, which can touch the soul of a certain thirty-something in the way a Long Island Iced Tea cannot. You just need the right dipping sauce though. A good mozzarella cheese stick with a mediocre dipping sauce is an all-time what could have been situation.
“I want to go to there.”
Most of the quotes on this list involve really clever wordplay or a funny premise, but we can’t have a list of great Tina Fey quotes and not include probably her most famous one from 30 Rock. This is the one, the big kahuna, the line that immortalized Liz Lemon as the true weirdo she is. It’s also, in its own way, a great commentary on who we all are as people. We think we’re smart and clever and above marketing and peer pressure, but sometimes we see something that looks super fun or cool or attractive and just think “I want to go to there.”
"I also have a lot of imaginary arguments with couples on House Hunters: Why can't people look past paint color?"
Is there a more infuriating show in the entire world than House Hunters? Nothing makes me more concerned about our collective problem solving skills than watching people pay 50 grand more for a house because they really liked the backsplash or to Fey’s chagrin, putting too much emphasis on what colors the walls currently are, as if painting isn’t an easy, relatively inexpensive task.
"Did you just stick your gum under my coffee table?"
Tina Fey plays the straight woman in Baby Mama; so, most of the memorable quotes are from Amy Poehler’s more outrageous character, but at least a few times a year when I see someone chewing gum around me, I ask them if they’re going to stick it under the coffee table. It’s one of the most memorable moments from an underrated movie, and Fey’s delivery is always perfect, as is her follow-up sarcasm when Poehler accuses her of being the one to stick gum under her own coffee table.
“If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.”
Not every famous comedian is a student of comedy, but Tina Fey has always been very open about how much she loves the art. She moved to Chicago specifically to do Improv, and after she took over as SNL head writer, she gave many interviews about what makes people laugh. The above quote is from a story in The New Yorker, and it’s yet another thoughtful observation from the comedian.
“If I could push a button and five people in the world would die, but I get free cable for life? I’d do it.”
Think about this joke for a second. We all laughed at the fact that Tina Fey would literally kill people to get her cable bill paid because she was being charged such outrageous prices. We related to the impulse to murder on some disturbing level because we were all sick of being charged $150 a month for a bunch of channels we didn’t watch. That’s why it should surprise no one that most people eventually ditched cable as soon as a viable alternative came around.
“If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: Who cares?”
Tina Fey’s Bossypants struck a chord with millions of readers because it was so honest about so many things. One of those things is beauty, which is a recurring topic. Fey talks extensively about societal expectations and what many women do to be seen, but it’s all summed up perfectly here.
“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”
Here’s another example of terrific humor that’s self-deprecating but very relatable. We all can identify with overthinking something, and we can all identify with the annoyances of chin acne, especially when it feels like it was caused by us stressing ourselves out too much.
“Lesson learned? When people say, "You really, really must" do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says, "You really, really must deliver the baby during labor." When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.”
People are always telling us we must do something, but an overwhelming majority of those things we must do are really just recommendations. I’ll get to the art gallery eventually. It’s not the most important thing on my to-do list, at all.
“There ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party because a Liz Lemon party is mandatory.”
Liz Lemon is sometimes a way more self-aware, way more likable version of Michael Scott from The Office. She’s constantly dealing with the stresses and problems of being the boss, while also trying to create a fun work environment but also at the same time trying to actually get work done. It’s an impossible balancing act and leads to situations like throwing mandatory parties she still hopes will be fun.
(On Touring With Amy Poehler) “We are like rock stars. We’re just out and about impregnating people everywhere we go. It’s such a paid mom’s weekend because we go and we’re like, ‘I hear there’s interesting vintage shopping’ in whatever city we go to and then we have a nice lunch. It’s just like (Chris) Rock and (Dave) Chappelle.”
As part of Tina Fey’s goal of dominating every single comedic medium, she started touring with Amy Poehler. The two would visit various cities and talk about all sorts of observations. Fey was asked if the women lived like rock stars while they were gone, and she dropped this hilarious quote about “impregnating people” before admitting they’re hitting up fun lunch spots and vintage shopping.
“I just wish I could start a relationship about 12 years in, when you really don't have to try anymore, and you can just sit around together and goof on TV shows, and then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business.”
This quote probably makes some people sad, but in other ways, it’s also quite optimistic. We all talk about the more obvious things we want in relationships, but the healthiest ones are always the ones where you can be yourself and just connect with your partner in a way that’s honest and supports the rest of your life. That’s what Liz Lemon was looking for, at least.
“Hey, where are my Sno Balls? I was gonna go to the gym later; so, I deserve a treat.”
Listen, as a person who loves working out, this joke's a little on me; however, I recognize that some of us are avid calorie counters and others of us need a little motivation to get to the gym. That’s Liz Lemon, and I, for one, think she deserves her snack for going.
“I’m 37, please don’t make me go to Brooklyn.”
Unlike the Pete Davidsons of the SNL world, Tina Fey was a little older when she got started and had a great run on TV and the big screen in her thirties and forties. Her radical honesty around things like not caring about being cool or, in this case, going to Brooklyn set her apart from the pop culture aimed at younger people and helped her really build a fanbase with people her own age.
"If we are gonna pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid!"
Date Night definitely isn’t one of Tina Fey’s most-watched movies, but it’s a fun little ride filled with pretty good jokes. Here, she makes light of how insane the prices are at a fancy restaurant she goes to, while also referencing The Little Mermaid's infamous Sebastian scene, who is an absolute delight and would be worth whatever money you’d have to pay to watch him perform. Not to eat him. I don’t want to think about that.
“We're grown-ups! We don't have to clean up after ourselves.”
Sisters is an underrated gem, and while many of Tina Fey’s lines go hard into obscenity, this is a great example of lighter fare that cracks me up every. single. time. Adults definitely do not have to clean up after themselves. Though you don't want to become one of those people that others think are dirty. Messy is OK. Dirty's another story.
"So grease up them poles because Philly's gonna win and one of these guys is going to punch a police horse."
I really enjoy Tina Fey's brief return to SNL ahead of Super Bowl Weekend 2018. Unlike most of these other quotes imparting some sage-yet-hilarious life advance, her return to the late-night sketch comedy series harkened back to her Philadelphia Hometown roots, and it even made Pete Davidson break character a bit across the stage. If you've ever seen Philly after a sporting event, you should get it.
So there you have it, a smattering of some of Tina Fey's iconic one-liners, plus some sound advice and occasional laugh-out-loud funny observations. Fey is a gem among former SNL cast members and we're so lucky we have more than 20 years of comedic moments to choose from her oeuvre.
