Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, or The Last Crusade? Honestly, it's hard for me to pick, since I love both of them. In fact, I love all four of the Indiana Jones movies. From Raiders all the way to Crystal Skull.
Wait. What's that you say? There's a fifth Indiana Jones movie? And it's called Indiana Jones and the Dial Of Destiny? Well, given it's underwhelming opening box office, you wouldn't know that it even came out.
This is a shame, because I'm a MASSIVE fan of Indiana Jones. But, even I skipped Dial Of Destiny, and I have five reasons why.
I Felt Like Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull Was A Good Enough Conclusion To Indy's Story, And I Didn't Want Another Adventure
Crazy, I know, but I actually LIKED Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Did it HAVE to be made? God, no. The series - like most franchises - would have probably been better suited as a trilogy. The Last Crusade was pretty much the perfect conclusion to the franchise. That said, Crystal Skull was not a bad send off to the character by any means.
Sure, the whole Mutt Williams thing as Indy's son didn't really lead to anything, and the last memorable image we have of Indy is of him staring at a UFO, but overall, the adventure didn't feel completely unnecessary. We got an older Indy, and I would have been perfectly content with him having that one last adventure…
So, then why is he having another adventure? One thing I always liked about the Indiana Jones movies is that there weren't too many of them, so each one felt special. What I mean is, with each movie, it felt like we were getting a new chapter in Indy's life. And, I felt like we got a "good-enough" final chapter with Crystal Skull. Marion from Raiders returned to continue their relationship, and we also learned that they had a son.
I've heard some people say online that Dial Of Destiny acts as a sort of "apology" for Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but I don't want an apology. Crystal Skull was fine the way it was, and I was never looking for a continuation. Not in a million years.
The Reviews Were Fine, But Not Great
Our very own Sarah El-Mahmoud gave the Dial of Destiny an admirable review, but it currently stands at a critical score of 69% on Rotten Tomatoes. Now, I know, I know. Who cares what the critics say? Form your own opinion, right? Critics didn't love The Super Mario Bros. Movie, either, but I LOVED it.
Here's the big difference between Mario and the Dial Of Destiny. I've been my waiting my entire life for a good Super Mario Bros. movie (though, I'll now defend the bizarre and bold original Super Mario Bros. to my dying breath). I didn't ask for another Indiana Jones movie, though, nor did I want one.
For me to see Dial of Destiny IN THE THEATER (as opposed to me just checking it out with my Disney+ subscription whenever it finally comes home), it had to get critical reviews like "A masterpiece," or, "The best Indiana Jones movie since Raiders of the Lost Ark" to get me to put on my jeans and leave the house.
A critical score of 69%, while decent, is certainly not enough to get me pumped for a movie that doesn't feature Mario, or Jack Black singing soulfully about "Peaches."
None Of The Trailers Made Me Feel Like I HAD To See It In Theaters
As soon as I saw a decidedly de-aged Harrison Ford in the trailers, I thought, "Nope. I don't want to see that." Which is a shame, too, since it's not like the effect is bad. I actually think Disney's come a long way since the waxy Peter Cushing as Grand Moff Tarkin featured in Rogue One. But, I don't want to see a young Harrison Ford again.
I know that's only a small part of the movie, but that wasn't the best foot forward to convince me to want to see this film. The action scenes of Indy riding a horse in a subway, or him brandishing his trademark whip in a crowded room also didn't get my blood pumping.
In truth, the trailers made the movie look…kind of bland. And, once again, kind of bland isn't going to make me leave the house. Few things will these days, especially not movies with unfortunate titles like "The Dial Of Destiny."
Some Of My Friends Saw It On Opening Night And They Said The Third Act Was "Frustrating"
A few of my friends actually saw the movie on opening night. Their reviews varied (some said it flat out sucked, while others said it was pretty good…for the most part), but the one that I consistently heard was that the movie falls apart at the end.
Now, I don't know what they mean exactly, as I told them all, "No spoilers!" But, the one thing that I've heard the most is that the first two acts are mostly pretty good, but the filmmakers totally blew it on the third act. I gather that it has something to do with this titular Dial of Destiny, but I don’t know what exactly.
I have no desire to be disappointed by another Indiana Jones movie. I've since warmed up to Crystal Skull, but upon initially seeing it, that third act with the aliens really threw me for a loop, and I don't need another one of those. No, thank you.
No Steven Spielberg
Lastly, and this may seem like a small problem (because it really is), but I genuinely have no interest in watching an Indiana Jones movie that wasn't directed by Steven Spielberg.
Nothing against James Mangold (I really liked Logan), but for me, Indiana Jones IS Spielberg, and I honestly have no desire to see another Indy movie if he's not directing it.
This is strange, too, since I've seen a number of Star Wars movies that weren't directed by George Lucas (I mean, the best movies in the franchise were arguably NOT directed by him). For me, though, Indiana Jones really needs to have "Directed by Steven Spielberg" at the beginning, or I find that my interest plummets.
Are you an Indy fan like me who didn't bother to see this new movie? For more news on all things Indiana Jones, be sure to swing by here often.
