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If Saturday mornings have ever meant a lot to you in the past, congratulations, we are now friends. And so while we are conversing over cereal, clicking spoons and whatnot, let’s take a look at what this cereal is telling us, because this static-laden website isn’t really telling us anything. Turn the cartoons off.

Kelloggs wants to help you become the Man of Steel, if you're into that sort of thing. Just look inside the box of a specially marked package of Cheez-It, Pop-Tart, Keebler, or other Kellogg’s products. A Superman cape won’t leap out and do the flying for you, but for Flight, you could win two round trip tickets per month to somewhere “to be awarded in the form of a check.” Which is the best way! But seriously, that makes getting Pop-Tarts actually worth it, even if you have to scrape off the frosting to assume adulthood.

For Strength, you would be rewarded the strength of a personal trainer, to train your ass to submissiveness at 1 session per week. In the form of a $5,200check. But you could attach some weights to that check and weight lift.

For speed, you could win a 2013 Ford Mustang, and if you need someone to lend that to for a weekend, my email address is somewhere on this website. Let’s drive from store to store buying toaster tart things that aren’t necessarily important.

And for vision, you could go and actually see Man of Steel in theaters a whole bunch of times, as a promotional card for $2,600 would come your way.

And for all the humans out there that don’t have powers, there some prop replicas and a bunch of movie tickets to win. Everyone is a winner, basically. Even if you don’t know it. Or have anything to show for it.

Man of Steel releases June 14, 2013, not on a Saturday morning at all.