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What the (fart noise) is going on here? It’s definitely a personal problem that keeps allowing me to suspend disbelief that perhaps the next time Adam Sandler does something, it won’t be the worst piece of (slide whistle) in recent memory. Everyone in this cast was a part of a legitimately enjoyable career at one point or another, yet somehow kismet took a day off and this full-length trailer for Grown Ups 2 exists. No hard feelings to Moviefone for hosting the trailer. We know they were just doing their job.

Since enough time has been spent quietly pondering why anyone would want to give the meandering aging comedian buddy comedy Grown Ups a sequel in the first place, a minute or two can be spent trying to understand why in the world they chose to go the barely comedic route of “frat boys vs. regular Joes” for their story. But co-writers Sandler, Fred Wolf and Tim Herlihy don’t tell new stories so much as they dumb down the ones that are already there. At least Tim Herlihy was a part of Sandler’s best films like Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison.

Four things about this trailer have stood out to me the most after watching it twice. One, they spend the first thirty seconds rehashing part of the first film’s trailer. Two, Poison’s “Nothing But a Good Time” and Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” are the featured music tracks. Three, nearly an entire scene that ends with Kevin James jumping naked off of a cliff and landing on David Spade’s face. Four, a deer peeing on Adam Sandler’s face and Shaq dancing in a cop uniform, because those two moments are virtually the same thing: shitty.

This abomination to, well, everything will disappoint its way into theaters on July 12.
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