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When will we learn? When will we, as entertainment consumers, learn that when you touch a hot stove you get burned; when you stick your hand in a pitbull’s mouth, you’re going to get bit; and when you waste your time on a Lindsay Lohan movie, you’re flushing valuable minutes of your life down the toilet.
And yet, here we go again, bracing ourselves for The Canyons after the laughable travesty that was Liz & Dick, the failed Lifetime TV Movie that couldn’t resurrect Lohan’s reputation as a serious actress … heck, as any type of actress, period. Credit goes to director Paul Schrader and his team for coming up with vintage spins for various trailers. Earlier, they gave us a 1950s-themed clip for the modern-day sleaze study. Now, a 1930s-inspired clip has been posted to the movie’s official Facebook page. Check it out right here:
Schrader, of course, wrote Taxi Driver and Raging Bull for Martin Scorsese before moving on to direct such features as American Gigolo, Cat People and Auto Focus. Canyons also boasts a screenplay by American Psycho author Bret Easton Ellis, who probed the minds of vapid SoCal trash – to great effect – in Less Than Zero. Is there a chance that The Canyons amounts to something tangible? Sure. But Lohan’s career is over, and her co-star – James Deen – made his bones as a porn star. So she’s not exactly sharing the screen with Tom Hanks … or even Tom Hanks’ fourth cousin, twice removed.
If you haven’t had your fill of LiLo, and think The Canyons looks interesting based on these gimmicky teasers, the movie allegedly will be in theaters in 2013. Happy New Year?