Noah's Ark In Space

For some bizarre reason, Noah seems to be the new hot topic in Hollywood. Last year it was penguins, this year it’s building giant wooden boxes. This summer Steve Carell parodies the biblical figure with a modern update in Evan Almighty. Earlier this week Darren Aronofsky hinted he might be making a movie about Noah’s alcoholism. Now, Columbia Pictures is making a movie about Noah hanging with aliens. By aliens, I mean little green men. Not hard working, brown skinned men who’ve snuck into the country to steal your job.

The movie is called The Ark and apparently it’s based on an obscure Dark Horse Comics title. If you know someone who has read it, please realize that they’re a huge, raging nerd. And not the cool type of nerd that say, Bill Gates is or the kind that get revenge on Ted McGinley. No, just your garden variety nerd who doesn’t get dates and spends too much time mucking around in the basement with slip cases and back boards instead of exploring the fairer sex.

All Variety says about it is that it marries the story of Noah’s Ark with a UFO crash. How those two ideas fit together is beyond my reckoning. Does Noah use technology found at the crash site to put rocket boosters on the Ark? Or maybe the Aliens recruit Noah to come with them and build a giant space Ark to save the Autobots of Cybertron from global extinction? You can do just about anything with a ploy synopsis that simultaneously weird and vague.

Josh Tyler