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Everyone gets mad sometimes and at least considers doing something rash and stupid in the heat of the moment. Well, it looks like one Bloomfield Township, Michigan woman just went right ahead and did the first insane thing that came to mind when she got angry at a cake.
A report from ABC 7 WXYZ got word from the local police that an angry Kroger customer has been accused of drop-kicking a cake inside the store that was made for her child's seventh birthday. The incident, which happened last weekend, occurred when the woman came to pick up the Batman V Superman-themed cake she had ordered for her child's party. After looking at the cake in the bakery, and being, apparently, dissatisfied with it, the mother proceeded to head behind the bakery counter to try and fix the faulty cake decorations. When bakery employees told her she wasn't allowed behind the counter, well, the lady lost her cake-loving shit.
She, reportedly, took the cake back to the front of the bakery counter and quickly enacted revenge on the offending confection by pulling out her best drop-kick move and sending pieces of the pastry all over the bakery department of Kroger. The store also alleges that as the woman left, she kicked over a "wet floor" sign. A witness told police that after she threw the remainder of the cake to the ground, the angry customer stomped on it several times and screamed, "They fucking ruined my seven-year-old's birthday cake!" The disgruntled mother of one, probably very disappointed, seven-year-old was issued a ticket to appear in court on disorderly conduct charges. Because, you know, you might want to just drop-kick all kinds of shit all over the place, but you just aren't supposed to. And, if the law has to put the kibosh on your baser instincts then the law sure as hell will.
You know what's missing from this story, right? A very high-res video of a mad-as-hell mom drop-kicking what most of us would likely consider to be a very presentable (and eminently edible) Batman V Superman cake. Seriously, how the fuck bad could the cake have looked for her to actually waste good cake? It's cake, lady! There was once a time when only the richest of people could afford cake, and you're just stomping all over the sugary goodness, in public no less. GAH! When police spoke with the woman, she, of course, denied everything. She claims that bakery employees invited her behind the counter and that she simply fumbled and dropped the cake in the department later. Mmmm-hmmmmm...
I also have a very deep need to see the pre-drop-kicked cake, but the store didn't have any video or photos of the incident; the shots above are just examples of cakes that might be similar to the one ordered for pickup on that fateful day. Normally, when someone acts out like this, I usually say something about hoping the person who's now in trouble with the law has learned their lesson. Well, this time I kinda hope this lady does not learn from this. I would love it if she drop-kicked foodstuffs every year on her child's birthday. Next June, I hope she drop-kicks a plate of nachos with the works, and I hope that there's a picture of it that I can blow up and put on my wall.