Spoilers for The Walking Dead are below.

When “Twice as Far” came to a close Sunday night, viewers saw an Alexandria that could no longer call Carol a citizen, as her crisis of conscience drove her to leave everyone behind. Her exit might sound like strange behavior to some Walking Dead fans, but it only takes a look back at Carol’s devastation-filled history to justify all of her emotional reactions, even abandoning ship. Here are 11 truly awful moments in Carol’s post-apocalyptic life, with quite a few bringing misery in several ways. After reading, you’re free to resume stapling missing posters to telephone poles in anticipation for next week’s episode.

 the walking dead
Demolishing Ed’s Skull With A Pick-Axe
When Carol was introduced to viewers, it was as the meek-but-mirthy wife of the abusive Ed, and that repugnant louse earned every ounce of pain and shock when he was ambushed by walkers, a death made even more pleasing since it was his own dumb mistake that led to it. While Season 4 Carol would have murdered Ed in his sleep, she wasn’t quite there yet in the first season, but she did get a brutal moment of catharsis after volunteering to destroy Ed’s pre-reanimated skull with a pick-axe. She was definitely going through an intense mix of mourning, relief, anger, fear and the rest of the emotional cocktail that she continued sipping on more and more as time went on.

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