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While the rest of the world may care more about the recently shattered relationship of Megan Fox and the potential destruction of Will Smith’s marriage, I’m far more invested in what’s happening in the current romances of the newly single Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy. The world just got their first look at Denise, Kermit’s new flame – though don’t call her his girlfriend – and while she may be something resembling beautiful within the world of the Muppets, her casually realistic features are absolutely frightening to me.
As you can see from the image above, ABC’s head of marketing Denise is another pig for Kermit to shelter his lust for, and she kind of resembles a cross between Miss Piggy and a geisha, assuming you’ve ingested a few mushrooms first. I think that’s what’s freaking me out, as well as the fact that Kermit has to know this, and he’s still attracted to her.
But then there’s also the knowledge that the puppet being used for Denise was actually cobbled together from the Spamela Hamderson puppet used on Muppets Tonight, so it’s also kind of like looking at a ghost. And her pale-ish skin tone doesn’t help to dissuade that feeling. There's also something exceedingly creepy to me about making anthropomorphic animals look sexual, like Bugs Bunny in drag.
Sure, there are weirder looking Muppets like Pepe the King Prawn or the big-lipped Sweetums, but their intentionally strange appearances aren’t as offputting as the realism of Denise’s look. One Twitter user nailed it by making a comparison between Denise and Game of Thrones star Natalie Dormer. Even though Dormer is lovely, that doesn’t mean her look is perfect for a felt-faced puppet.
I’ll sleep a little better knowing that Kermit isn’t totally exclusive with Denise, though, and I’ll just hope that he finds someone that doesn’t give me daymares when I close my eyes. Here’s how Kermit explained their relationship on his Twitter page.
While I prefer to keep my personal live private, this is Hollywood, so who am I kidding? It is true that I am dating again. However, at this time no one woman – pig or otherwise – is my official “new girlfriend.” We are simply close friends.
Hell, Miss Piggy hasn’t exactly been keeping her flings private, either. She’s been seen with such celebs as future Muppets guest star Liam Hemsworth and Castle star Nathan Fillion. Nothing frightening about those studly studs.
Catch up completely with the love lives of Miss Piggy and Kermit when The Muppets premieres on ABC on Tuesday, September 22.