Cut off from phone, cable and Internet. These are mere trivialities when it comes to our desire to keep you abreast of the latest God breakdowns and daddy issues of the ‘Big Brother’ house. So, a little later than usual we bring you details of last night’s episode that was so full of the typical delusions. Ah, the delusions…these people, Amber in particular, would make any psychologists career flourish. If only we could look in on those sessions. I really hope no executives from Fox ever have the same thought.

Following Thursday’s HoH competition Jessica is once more in charge. Is it only TV Blend that notices the last few HoHs have been Daniele, Jessica, Daniel and now Jessica? Yeah, probably just us…but still worth noting. Of course, when you’re distracted by God’s mysterious ramblings in your ear and delusions of modeling grandeur, things aren’t quite in focus as they should be. Hey, let’s just get right into the drama of the episode. We’ve already started, and continuing is the best option.

Firstly, ‘Big Brother’ producers are ruthless in their editing tactics when they don’t like a houseguest. I’m assuming they aren’t fond of Daniele, considering what a whiny, self-centered, bitch they make her out to be with her father. For a moment, during ED’s rampages, Daniele said that was what he was really like and maybe we believed her. Hell, she is right in some way. But it’s obvious that it is her that is the one constantly running away. It doesn’t appear that Evel is the most standard choice for a father, but he seems to man up and want to help his daughter out. Things may not go as she wishes, and someone needs to inform the girl that life doesn’t work that way. So, for now we’re voting bullshit on her attitude, and choice of words, towards her father when she tells him to leave her alone.

Then there’s Amber, living the high holy life in Crazy Town. The whole God thing has gotten so ridiculous that I notice every moment she grabs for that cross around her neck. Someday she’s going to realize that God has changed the channel and is more interested in the shenanigans going on in Springfield. But, that’s too much to be hoped. Again we see her praying to God, pleading with him (or her…or it), and just all out losing any semblance of reality. She prayed that if she couldn’t win HoH, that Jessica would. From a strategy standpoint that was the dumb idea of the week. If you’re going to use your hoodoo powers, then maybe Zach is the better choice. But what do you expect from a girl who thinks an appearance on ‘Top Model’ is ever in her future? Ever. I’m not going to go out of my way to describe why she’d never be a cover model, but Amber is an average looking girl. The only one in the house with model potential was Jen, who conveniently was one. Maybe someone should tell Amber that “Bedraggled” is not in Derek Zoolander’s bag of tricks for a reason.

Game on, Zach. Wow, even though it didn’t work, I was surprised to see Zach come to Jessica with deals and plans…and well thought out reasons for why he shouldn’t go up. Honestly, it was good enough to work if a greater force weren’t at work in the house. Still, color me impressed that the “ogre” is capable of actually playing the game. Jameka and Amber converse on their chances for going up, both agree that the likely candidates are Dick and Daniele. To solidify the thought they begin eerily chanting, “Thank you God, I love you God.” That’s not prayer, I’ve seen prayer…and that is just creepy.

The others are on a free ride once again. So, Dick enquires about Jen’s cryptic goodbye message to Amber. Of course, Amber says she has no idea, but reveals to Eric and Jessica it was about Eric’s on-again off-again relationship with a girl named Cheryl. Eric now has to expend his gaming energies on reassuring Jessica, seeing as how he’s safe from eviction this is a good move. As usual, Jessica tells others and the diary room about how she has to keep an eye on Eric. Then within one minute is already convinced he’s telling the truth, so help him God.

Then there was the glory of the best competition in ‘Big Brother’ history; season 8s first luxury competition was hilarity bottled up and delivered to our homes. All the houseguests participated, and Jessica picked teams as boys vs. girls. Lucky she did, because this is what went down. The houseguests had to put clothes on provided by the show, and then in the back yard there was a wall with two pools on either side that had bubbles being pumped into them. The way to win was remove an article of clothing and hang it up showing the letter from the inside. Yep, every article of clothing needed to be removed in order to win. This led to hilarious antics like Zach standing stoicly trying to figure out what the letters spelled. Or Amber ripping her clothes off and insisting on a lot of bending over and jumping around. The guys spend precious moments figuring out how “goat” ties in with any ‘BB8’ competitions until Dick walks over and rearranges the letters to spell “toga.” The winning words were “bunny suits,” “unitard” and “toga.” The guys really didn’t seem to care about this competition, and the girls end up winning. In celebration they hug, jump and scream while naked. A 2 minute clothes shopping spree is the prize, and they all seem to enjoy it.

Jessica does her little speech to the house about how some people she’s been up with during their stay, some she has been up and down with. Yadda, yadda, yadda. As predicted Amber and Zach go up, and another nomination episode is over. I do believe, with Eric completing this latest task of getting Amber nominated, he has now reached $30k in America’s Player money. This means he’ll come in at least third place for the season. Veto’s on Tuesday, we’ll see you then if it’s in God’s plan.

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