I Went On Volcano Bay’s Not So Lazy River For The First Time At Universal, And As A Lazy River Superfan, I’m Shook

Other people might be judging water parks based on the thrill rides or the wave pool or the food or the amenities. I’m judging them almost exclusively based on the lazy river because that’s where I’m spending the majority of my time. The game plan is always the same. I’m walking in the front, paying for a locker, throwing my shirt, wallet, keys and phone in there, slathering on sunscreen and then immediately heading for the lazy river.

Once there, I’m finding an intertube, or if I’m lucky, one of those half chair, half intertube things, and circumnavigating loop after loop until I die of heat stroke or feel like getting a hot dog. That’s it. That’s my only agenda, and for almost forty years, it has worked out perfectly. After my first trip this week to Universal Orlando’s Volcano Bay, however, I’m starting to question things.

That’s because Volcano Bay actually has two lazy rivers. There’s a traditional one, called The Winding River, which is exactly what you’d expect. It’s a delightful little saunter around the park that includes some vibrant scenery and the occasional obstacle to traverse around. I hit it up first, obviously, and went around about five times to great success in one of the half chairs. I was planning to go around another five times or so when my wife, who has been there before, let me in on the big reveal about the second lazy river.

It’s called The Fearless River, and it’s not exactly the laziest, nor does it require a raft. Instead, you put on a life jacket and the current propels you around like it’s 1880 and you just fell out of your boat on the Mighty Mississippi. There’s the same types of obstacles you’d expect from a traditional lazy river, the waterfalls that sneak up on you if you close your eyes for too long, the one side or the other splits you need to choose between, etc, but the water is rushing several times faster than you’d normally expect and everyone is without a vehicle.

I’m not really sure if there’s a proven strategy for how to best get around, but I tried several different positions as if I was doing a scientific experiment. First, I floated on my back with my feet extended forward, which seemed to be the safe approach most other people were taking. Then, I floated on my stomach with my feet extended backwards, which was neither relaxing nor easy to maintain. Next, I tried floating on my back with my feet behind me, but that felt like I was asking for a concussion. At one point, I tried running on the ground to try and increase my speed, but I’m pretty sure it was doing the opposite.

Long story short, I still have no idea what I’m doing, but I had a blast trying to figure it out. Volcano Bay took a concept I’ve loved for decades and contorted it just enough so it felt both familiar and new at the same time. I imagine it’s the same way kids probably feel when they discover there are more flavors of ice cream than just vanilla or more beverages than just milk and water.

You might think I spent the rest of the day riding The Fearless River, but I did not. Deep down, I’m a lazy river guy, and I don’t always like going fast. Sometimes I just like letting the current drift me wherever I need to go. So, I waffled back and forth. I’d take The Winding River for awhile. Then I’d grab a little better than expected food and wander over to The Fearless River. I’d spend a little time there and then head back again. It was a fun little day of contrasts, and now, it has me wishing every single water park on Earth had a fast and a slow lazy river.

Have you ever done something for the first time and wondered why it took you so long? That’s how I feel right now. I’m the biggest lazy river fan I know, and it turns out up until earlier this week, I knew nothing. I’m shook but also extremely excited to go back. Maybe next time I'll even ride it at night.

Volcano Bay recently announced it'll be getting rid of its wristband system and switching to a more traditional ride queue. Thankfully, that shouldn't effect either of the lazy rivers. They will, however, be unavailable during a larger planned park closure between October of 2026 and March of 2027. I guess we'll all just have to suck it up and spend more time at Universal's brand new Epic Universe during that window, which is set to open later this month. We recently went to a preview, and spoiler alert, it's awesome. Maybe not two lazy rivers awesome but close.