Godzilla '98 Gets An Honest, Thermonuclear Trailer Roast

By Mike Reyes 2014-07-02 09:45:05discussion comments
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Ah, 1998! I can remember it as though it were sixteen years ago. President Clinton was enduring some trying times, El Nino was a topical joke on Saturday Night Live, and Roland Emmerich promised the world a brand new take on the classic Japanese terror known as Godzilla. Indeed, who could forget those early trailers promising devastation? It seemed like the action was on a scale that we could never expect to be seen in the movie - which turned out to be true, as the trailer was made up of footage shot especially for... the trailer. Almost two decades after the pain that was 1998's Godzilla, a better, more honest trailer has arrived to give it the ribbing it deserves.

Screen Junkies is at it again as they've taken the public challenge to bring down the beast that resulted in a painful blow to the careers of director Emmerich and co-writer/producer Dean Deviln. Among the targets of scrutiny are the running gag with mispronouncing Matthew Broderick's fictional last name (it's pronounced Ta-top-o-lis), the dated humor that ran rampant throughout the whole film (who remembers Josta Cola?), and, of course, the chase scene we all know and love.

The centerpiece of all of this carnage is an unrelenting assault of put downs lobbed at the actual design of the creature itself. For the record, the tangent reads as follows:
"...a box headed, chicken legged, no atomic breath having, Jay Leno chinned, stupid faced, flat nosed piece of shit!"

Even Taco Bell and Puff Daddy aren't safe from the assault of truth that this trailer is delivering, and it's a truth that all of us have lived with for the past couple of years. All of the jokes and the easy jabs aside, Godzilla was the beginning of the end for Roland Emmerich's career. He's done himself no favors. While he might be returning to the Independence Day franchise on his own free will, you have to wonder if he's doing it more for his own reasons than for public demand. Perhaps it's time we all just put this movie behind us, and move on to bigger, better things.

Now if all of this Godzilla talk has stirred up all of your own bad memories of 1998, you can take comfort in our coverage of Gareth Edwards' newer incarnation of the classic beast. With this huge mistake in the rear view mirror, it's time to get excited about the prospect of a proper monster movie. So share your Godzilla '98 war stories below, as we wait for Gareth Edwards' Godzilla to open Thursday night. Play us out, Diddy!


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