Subscribe To GTA 5 Videos Feature Uncensored Sex, Car Crashes, Airplanes Flying Updates
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Rockstar warned everyone of this very moment: that there would be leaks and they would make you lose control over your bowels and other bodily functions. So with that warning set firmly in place, I implore you to turn away now lest you ruin the nascence of awesome for when you take on the seminal task of opening GTA V for the very first time after picking it up from your local retailer.
Below are a series of videos courtesy of the kind folk over on Neogaf that Dualshockers and IBI Times spotted, where they have been posting all this stuff up for everyone like you to see, enjoy, salivate over and completely have your minds melt onto the keyboard in front of you.
The only thing I'm going to do is warn you that the very first video is Not Safe For Work; this means the obvious uncensored sex scene below. The first vid features a guy banging a chick from behind and there are some grade 'A' douche bags in the background laughing like coked up frat boys. So again, the first video is NSFW.
Just click on the image below to be taken to the actual videos. There are no story spoilers in the videos, so it's all good.
Also, Rockstar if you're all pissed and stuff about the leaks, and if you're planning on unleashing your pet lawyers on us again, I'd just like to inform you that we've got stuff on the second page, too. Also, you're welcome... regarding all the free media controversy/publicity. If you'd like to pay us for it we only accept Mountain Dew and Doritos... it's the law of the Dorito Pope. Thanks.
The game definitely looks like a ton of fun.
The sex scene is kind of hilarious because it's practically interactive porn, yeah? Rockstar was just like, “Whatever, we're going for it. Screw the right wing conservatives”. It's kind of the next step up from the non-interactive sex in The Ballad of Gay Tony, where Luis had some very obvious and sometimes graphic sex with various women.
The vehicle handling seems to have undergone some “grounding” so to speak, having more lateral momentum as opposed to the vertical momentum that plagued some of the vehicles in GTA IV. I think this was a smart move by Rockstar, implementing physics closer to Midnight Club, as PC modders will be able to better enhance on it and bring it closer to Gran Turismo or Forza Motorsport with a bit of tweaking, as opposed to all the numbers-games required to get the cars moving and feeling realistic in GTA IV.
The airplane segment was pretty much a throwaway and there isn't much to say other than that it's obvious the LOD (or level of detail) will fluctuate constantly to accommodate for the geriatric current-gen consoles. I mean, saying that you can see their age shining through loud and clear is such an understatement that one could very well call it a lie of epic proportions.
Anyway, these videos aren't being brought to you unpunished. As we mentioned on the first page, Rockstar has their panties in a tighter bunch than a fat guy trying to use the Thigh-Master. Also, according to Stickskills Microsoft is banning consoles running GTA V like it was 1950 and Hollywood was cozy with that Blacklist. This happens, of course, all at the request of Take-Two Interactive.
This means that if you have an early copy of GTA V before it launches next week and you want to play it, you better unplug your Xbox 360 from the internet or else the big, bad, corporate boogeyman will come for you and console ban you, which means you'll have to buy a brand new console if you want to play online.
Early adopters, take heed: Enjoy GTA V while you can... it's like having unprotected sex in West Hollywood, it's just a matter of time before the crotch cruncher will come a munching at the door.