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This weekend horror movie purists are all in a flurry once again, as The Twilight Saga: New Moon does for werewolves what it already did for vampires, tossing out generations worth of mythology in favor of a new breed of creatures who turn into wolves at will, hunt vampires in their spare time, and are never, ever caught without a shirt. Whether you're a Wolfpack groupie or a Twilight hater, though, you've probably got at least one other pop culture werewolf who also holds your heart. Starting with Jacob and ending with Tracy Jordan, we decided to pay tribute to some of our favorite werewolves of the big and small screen. From the sublime to the ridiculous, from the fearsome to the merely peevish, here's some of the wolf brethren who will keep us company until Jacob and company return for Eclipse.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
by Kelly West
Technically not a werewolf as his "time of the month" is pretty much any time a vampire threatens his tribe (or humans in general) but as he's the inspiration for this piece, he gets special puppy love for having good abs, better than average temper control (by werewolf standards) and dog-like loyalty toward the people he cares about.
Bark vs. Bite. Vampires beware. Jacob and his pack of shape-shifters are a force to be reckoned with.
An American Werewolf in London
by Eric Eisenberg
How many cinematic werewolves can you name that have been paired up with songs like “Bad Moon Rising,” “Moondance” and “Blue Moon”? Leave it to a director like John Landis to make you laugh while watching a fuzzy abomination tear out throats while roaming the English countryside. When he isn’t being hunted by his decomposing friend who is asking him to kill himself or bedding English nurses, David Naughton makes for one good looking lycan, thanks mostly to the makeup and effects work of Rick Baker. Even by today’s standards, the film’s transformation sequence is considered by many to be the best of all time.
Bark vs. Bite. Those teeth look pretty sharp to me.
Wes Craven's Cursed
by Will Leblanc
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, especially if that woman is a werewolf. Joanie is a publicist who vows to kill every girl her most favored client, Josh Jackson, tries to get with. To draw her out of hiding simply make fun of her fat thighs and stupid hair; just be ready with a few cop armed with silver bullets to take her down.
Bark vs. Bite. Joanie gets iced without any real fight, and her only victims were Shannon Elizabeth and Mya, and let's be honest, the world is a better place without them.
The Underworld series
by Steve West
The Lycans, a race of werewolf like creatures in the Underworld universe, are a bit of the best of both worlds when it comes to supernatural monsters. Unlike the traditional full moon werewolves the Lycans are capable of changing at will between their human and beast forms. Not only that by they are still partly bipedal. This makes them much more efficient, and deadly, at hand to hand combat. In fact when you watch the films the Lycans pretty much tear up everyone, from human to vampire, when fighting in close quarters.
Bark vs. Bite.As silly as the Underworld films can get, especially Smurf boy and the entire second movie, the Lycans are far more bite than bark. They can survive long falls, are immortal (being able to survive for centuries with no food), and the poison from their bite is far more likely to kill than change a victim.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
by Kelly West
Who could discount dear, old Moony? The faithful pal to James, Sirius and Peter, Lupin is as good as they come when he's not transformed. Unfortunately, the full moon tends to bring out his bad side. He doesn't embrace his werewolfery as others of his kind do but that does nothing to keep him from attacking people when transformed.
Bark vs. Bite. He might be the sweetest Defense Against the Dark Arts professor to work at Hogwarts but come the full moon, if you're in his way, you're dinner.
by Katey Rich
Most teenagers, when discovering they actually turn into hairy man-beasts during full moons, would take it as a sign to yell at their parents never leave their rooms again. But leave it to Michael J. Fox to discover the previously unknown basketball skills possessed by all werewolves, and use it not only to get the most popular girl school, but help his team get a winning record for the first time all season. We know a lot of other cinematic lupine folk who would be thrilled to have his ability to turn "the wolf" on and off, not to mention that time machine Delorean we hear he's got stored somewhere.
Bark vs. Bite. Pretty minimal threat of bite, though since he's a teenage boy, pretty girls should be careful just in case.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
by Kelly West
Oz is as cool as a cucumber under normal circumstances. In high school, when he wasn't jamming with his band or making sweet, cuddly eyes with Willow, he was dreading wolfy-time, which involved spending a few nights a month locked in the library book cage in order to avoid hurting people. Fortunately, his demon-slaying friends gave him a pass for his condition.
Bark vs. Bite. Mess with him when the moon isn't full and he'll probably bite back with a clever, subtly insulting one-line response but try it when the moon is full and you're kibble.
The hot werewolves
Trick 'r Treat
by Eric Eisenberg
If it wasn't already plainly obvious from this list, (most) werewolves are incredibly dangerous. They are feral beasts without the backing of a human conscience holding them back. So how can you make such a vicious creature even more evil? How about having them hide in costumes that resemble busty coeds, making them irresistible to the opposite sex? The werewolves of Michael Dougherty's Trick 'r Treat do just that to lure men to their "party" in the woods, where they can enjoy a great feast on All Hallows Eve. So next Halloween, when that girl in the revealing cheerleader costume shoots you a look, be warned. She may just be a wolf in seductive clothing.
Bark vs Bite. Very high on the "will maul you" scale.
"Werewolf Bar Mitzvah"
by Katey Rich
Sure, he only did this novelty holiday song for the sake of the gold record, but Tracy Jordan's inspired "Thriller" knockoff introduced the world to the terrifying notion of a boy who has just managed to become a man, only to be transformed into a werewolf at the first full moon. Given that Tracy only recently tried to convert to religion in an effort to pre-emptively get out of criminal charges, he probably didn't undergo this kind of transformation himself at 13. Now, thanks to his brave song, no one else will have to.
Bark vs. Bite. He's more likely to cry than growl when faced with conflict, but with known biter Kathy Geiss in the building, you can never be too careful.