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If like me, you just returned from a midnight showing of The Hangover, then there’s only one question on your mind: Did I just see Zach Galifianakis’s erect penis receiving oral sex from a Latin grandmother?
Ok, maybe that wasn’t the first thing on your mind but it was the first thing on mine. During the closing credits (and don’t worry if you haven’t seen it, this isn’t really a spoiler) we’re treated to photos showing what happened to The Hangover boys during their lost night. Several of those photos depict, rather graphically, bearded Mr. Galifianakis’s erect penis in the hands and mouth of an aged hotel maid. After sitting through more than 90 minutes of nothing but manic debauchery and nude Asian gangsters, what’s the big deal? Here’s the deal: any depiction of erect male genitalia normally warrants an immediate NC-17 rating from the all-powerful MPAA, yet The Hangover stumbles drunkenly into theaters with a theatrically acceptable R-rating. Is this a groundbreaking moment? Did the guys at the MPPA finally take off their ties and embrace full-sized American manhood? Nope.
A few moments with Google and the always risky search terms of “MPAA” and “penis” reveal that it’s all a gag. That wasn’t actually Galifianakis’s penis, it’s just a prosthetic. In an interview with Hollywood.com Zach comes clean. He says, “All of a sudden, you’re picking out rubber dildos [to find] which one to use, and there’s, like, nine of them. ‘I don’t think that’s too ... I think that one’s too small ... and this one ...’ So no, [the penis] wasn’t mine.” Mystery solved.
Still, it’s kind of amazing the MPAA let even that fly. The strap-on is incredibly real and the photographs are easily the most graphic things I’ve seen on an R-rated movie screen in years. Bogus boner or no, The Hangover is breaking new ground here. Maybe you don’t actually have to show a woody to pave the way for more stiffies in the future. It’s happened before. Remember Star Trek’s groundbreaking, first ever televised interracial kiss between Captain Kirk and Uhura? Never happened. If you pay attention to the shot, they never actually show their lips touching. The shot where they actually kiss wasn't used. Instead they chickened out and went with a different, kiss-free shot which faked the whole thing and pleased the censors. Yet even though they faked it, because to audiences it looked like it did happen, that one moment opened the door for real color-blind, on-screen relationships in the future. Or maybe this was just a stupid dildo in the end credits of a silly, raunch-com. Yeah, that seems more likely.
For those who haven’t seen it, don’t worry there’s still plenty of real penis for you elsewhere in The Hangover. The infamous Dr. Ken goes full frontal danglin' wang and it’s a moment that must be eyeballed to be believed. Or if you’re boring, and thus not that interested in on screen trouser snakes, then see The Hangover because it’s one of the funniest movies of the year. You can close your eyes during the penis parts.
Can I stop typing penis now? I feel like I’m reporting live from a Chippendales.