There are three new movies set to make their way to cinemas this week, and all three look very dumb - though only two did that unintentionally. It seems the third is shooting for lowest common denominator laughs and it looks like it hit the mark. The other two? Not so much. We've got Jupiter ascending, seventh sons and SpongeBob.

Just remember, I'm not reviewing these movies, but rather predicting where they'll end up on the Tomatometer. Let's take a look at what This Rotten Week has to offer.

Jupiter Ascending
Rotten Watch Prediction
If I found out tomorrow that I was the heir/ rightful ruler of Earth like Mila Kunis’ character in Jupiter Ascending, the first thing I would do is make sure the Dunkin Donuts on the corner wasn’t running out of strawberry glaze all the time. I mean come on people, how hard is it to make like three extra every day? That’d be my first order of business. And then world peace, curing hunger all that stuff. That’d be in there too. But the donut issue would be priority number one.

See the other heir to Earth in the trailer for the Wachowkski siblings’ Jupiter Ascending below:
The immediate problem that sticks out from this movie is really just the casting: "Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), a down-on-her-luck janitor…" Look, I’ve been around a lot of janitors in my day, and for they most part they have been really solid dudes/ ladies. Hard-working and underappreciated for sure. But not one of them has looked anywhere in range of Mila Kunis. In fact, I’m not sure I could even compare them because she outpaces them in the looks department by factorials. So right from the start we know this movie is going to very much be a work of fiction. Science fiction even.

The Wachowskis are still very much working off the clout they built up with The Matrix trilogy, but they’re also scraping it away more recent efforts like Speed Racer (39%) and the unfortunate box office bomb Cloud Atlas (66%). As a result, there is a possibility that Jupiter Ascending could be the end of the line for them as far as big budget movie making is concerned. Coming off a less-than-stellar screening at Sundance and considering the movie’s been pushed back once, there isn’t a lot to believe in here. The fact that no reviews have hit the public just yet is another bad sign.

The trailer doesn’t do much in the way of stirring any confidence either, and really paints Jupiter Ascending as kind of a mess. From Channing Tatum’s very, very weird look, to some stilted dialogue (a Wachowski achilles's heel) and over-the-top special effects (not in a good way), I have trouble believing critics will come in anywhere close to positive. We have probably seen the best of this directing duo, and I predict Jupiter Ascending won’t bring back the glory days. But we can at least make everything right in the world again by naming me as the next heir to Earth. That would be a step in the right direction.

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