See Photographic Evidence That Nicolas Cage Is A Vampire

It’s probably safe to say by now that Nicolas Cage is a weird dude. His bizarre antics both on and off screen have painted him as one of the most eccentric personalities in Hollywood. But before today you could at least definitively say that Nicolas Cage is not a vampire. But thanks to a heads-up from The Hollywood Reporter about an unusual eBay listing, serious doubt has now been cast on the human status of Mr. Cage. A seller in Seattle, Washington is offering a photograph from 1870 of a man who looks uncannily like the actor. Is this a hoax, or the revelation of a Hollywood vampire conspiracy?

You be the judge

No, of course we don’t actually believe Nicolas Cage is a member of the legion of the undead. But the resemblance is amazing and the seller’s description is well worth a read if you are in need of a good belly laugh. The image was apparently found in an album of Civil War photos and was, supposedly, the only one to not be labeled with the name of the individual. This has prompted the seller to remark:

“Personally I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, et cetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so.”

Really? He quickens? So is he a vampire or a Highlander? What makes this story even more fitting is the fact that Nicolas Cage is the proud architect of one of the greatest/most absurd vampire performances in history. If you haven’t seen a little comedy from 1988 called Vampire’s Kiss, stop what you’re doing and go rent it. In it, Cage plays an executive at a publishing house who has an unusually kinky night with a girl at a bar (Jennifer Beals) and spends the rest of the movie convinced he is turning into a vampire. Cage is completely unhinged in the role and only gets loonier and loonier as the film progresses. When I look at this picture, I imagine a scene from Vampire’s Kiss wherein Cage is running down the street donning plastic fangs and screaming, “I’m a vampire, I’m a vampire!”

This photographic piece of cinematic weirdness can be yours for the low, low price of $1 million.