Too lazy to read all the wonderful news our insightful crew scours the globe to bring you every day? Too outmoded to have an MP3 player for the podcast? Shame on you all! However, being the generous lot we are, welcome to news:blended, your weekly guide to the most interesting stories reported on Cinema Blend over the last seven days.
As one of only about half a dozen critics who didn’t say you should run screaming from The Brothers Solomon, I feel like I have some credibility issues. Hopefully, my regurgitation of news stories this week will reestablish my credentials as a serious movie and DVD reviewer and news writer. Or not.
SATURDAY
We do festivals in all the major North American countries but one.
JD continues to send reports from the Toronto International Film Festival. Every day has another few movies watched and reviewed. JD is the hardest working man in show business who hasn’t pulled a shotgun on a backup singer. Speaking of working hard. AOL gave a list of the best sex scenes in movies. All of the scenes involved good looking people pretending to have sex with other good looking people. The importance of this type of thing cannot be overemphasized.
SUNDAY
Spider-Man does whatever a robot fighter can.
Non-gay buddies join up again.
Tobey Maguire might start a robot movie franchise based on a Japanese cartoon. Yeah, it surprises me too. I thought Tobey wanted to be a real actor. But he’s got a mortgage, same as all of us, and Robotech will probably pay more than the stuff Elijah Wood has been doing lately. Joaquin Phoenix tries to make real movies and he’s usually pretty good at it. A lot of these movies have been directed by James Gray. People are starting to talk. Well, I’m starting to talk. Anyway, they are going to do another movie together, so be ready to talk more.
MONDAY
Big movie gets long title.
Prepare to have your ass kicked.
Even though I’m 80% sure it is going to be average at best, there is another Indiana Jones movie heading our way. Since you can’t keep calling it “the next Indy movie” forver, it was finally given a name. Get ready for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Something tells me it will involve a big skull, made out of crystal. We already know that Iron Man will be about Iron Man and whatever it is that Iron Man does. Now there is a trailer that is rated “kick ass” by both our news writers and someone who commented on our story. That’s pretty ass kicking.
TUESDAY
Jennifer Hudson will try to regular act rather than just singer act.
Tron sequel excites Tron original fans.
The Sex in the City movie is probably being anticipated by some, but not by me. I can’t imagine caring about this movie less. The addition of Jennifer Hudson does nothing to increase that interest. I’m also not that interested in seeing a Tron sequel. I was never in the “Tron is great” camp. I was always in the “why do people like Tron” camp. I’m sure the sequel will be the same.
Second rule of Fight Club, get main actors together in non-Fight Club movie.
David Carradine might not snatch the pebble.
Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are both good actors who can be self-important and pains in the ass. They starred in fight club, which was also pretty self-important. Now they will be in what sounds like a routine political thriller. Hopefully the self-important factor will be dialed down. Of course, nothing is the as self important as the Eastern philosophy margarita known as “Kung Fu.” I loved it as a kid but watching it again as an adult makes me giggle. They might make it into a movie and if they do, here’s hoping Grasshopper isn’t given mid-70’s mush to blather. .
THURSDAY
David Brent is a frickin’ genius.
We own the universe.
Just bow down to Ricky Gervais right now. Do it! He’s a comedy genius and also not a money whore (are you listening Cuba Gooding, Jr.?) After doing mostly cameos in Hollywood films, he’s going to write and star in his own movie, which will be funnier than whatever you watched this year. I’m not sure either We Own the Night or Across the Universe will be funny. In fact, I’m sure they won’t be. But we do have tons of pictures from those two movies, so check them out.
FRIDAY
Crummy actress says she’s lame.
We can make him better than he was….but cheaply.
As someone who was forced to watch a few Olsen Twins videos while his girls grew up, I was always shocked by their success. I’m not saying I can’t see why simple stories aimed at kids work, I just can’t see why two such horrible actresses were able to do it. There’s lots of children’s programming out there, some of it is good. They sucked eggs. And one of them sorta admitted it recently. Terry Zwigoff doesn’t suck eggs, but he isn’t always great either. His next movie is going to be a Bionic Man parody, which sounds kinda dumb but might be great. Just don’t put Mary-Kate in it.
That’s all for another week of news blending. It’s like what you get at Jamba Juice, but cheaper and not quite as healthy. If you liked it or didn’t, leave some feedback.
