It's hard to believe it's been more than a decade since the first Twilight movie hit theaters. It's the kind of movie I think I've seen enough of and then find myself craving my fill of Forks vampire drama and putting it on again. While I'm not above admitting I still find these movies to be a lot of fun (with a great soundtrack), there are a few things that just don't add up.
No, I'm not here to poke fun at the way Robert Pattinson sparkles in the sunlight or joke about the overly intense first meeting between Edward and Bella in biology class. It's Twilight. It's what I sign up for every time I hit play and I make no apologies for loving it. But there are some lingering Twilight questions that I can't seem to let go of when I watch this movie. So let's get into it...
Why Do The Cullens Keep Repeating High School?
I know, I know, Edward says the younger they start out in a place, the longer they can stay, but honestly. How do they not go crazy having to sit through classes, tests, homework and school dances year after year with no seeming end in sight? And does it really make that much of a difference for them? It's not like they're trying all that hard to fit in. They're supposed to be a bunch of adopted kids, but they're all dating each other and seem to have made no effort to make friends with anyone outside their family. If that's not conspicuous enough, none of them really look like high school kids. If anything, they're drawing more attention to themselves (and presumably leaving a trail of yearbook photos in their wake) with this attempt at a cover.
If the plan is to stay together as a family in the same town and blend in for as long as they can, why not pose as young adults and set up a family business or something?
Fine, there's really no movie if the Cullen kids aren't in high school, so we'll give this one a pass. But I still can't imagine what it would be like to be a century old and still constantly attending high school.
Why Doesn't Bella Freak Out When She Almost Gets Crushed By The Van?
Sure, Edward saved her and she was a bit distracted by his superhuman strength and speed, but still, at no point does she really seem to process that, had it not been for a vampire, she would've been crushed into the side of her own truck. Even her friend can't stop apologizing to her about it because he knows how bad the situation was. Meanwhile, Bella's just brushing it off, too determined to get to the bottom of what Edward is to really consider how close she came to dying. We get more of a reaction from Bella at the end of the movie when Edward suggests she move to Florida than we do from her when she survives a near-death experience. Priorities.
Why Does Bella Go Out Of Her Way To Get That Book About the Quileute Legends?
Jacob tells Bella a bit about the Quileute legends, which causes Bella to do what any millennial teen would do. She goes home and Googles it. On the right track, ok. But instead of clicking on any of the links that come up first, she scrolls down to a book listing, finds out where to buy it and then takes the first opportunity she gets to go to a town an hour away from where she lives to buy it. From there, it's a whole situation that involves a bunch of guys nearly attacking her, followed by a mushroom ravioli date with Edward. When she finally opens the book, she looks at one random picture, sees the phrase "cold ones" and immediately goes to her computer to Google all of the information she needs about vampires. We never see her crack the book again, so what was the point of it? I feel like a few extra minutes googling the first time would've gotten her there without having to leave town to find a book... no?
Why Didn't The Cullens Try To Find The Bad Vampires?
People are getting mauled by an "animal" in Forks. Carlisle is aware of this. He examined the body of at least one of the people killed, and from the look he gives Edward, it seems like he knows it's a vampire situation. So why didn't the Cullens go out and look for the vampires who were killing people? If being able to stay in Forks is such a high priority, wouldn't tracking down some nomadic vampires who are causing problems and getting them to leave be a priority?
Edward can read minds and Alice can see the future. Between those two alone, it seems like it wouldn't be hard to track down a trio of vampires hunting in the area and ask them to kindly move along. Of course, there wouldn't have been a third act to the movie, had they done that, so maybe not.
How does Charlie Live On A Steady Diet Of Diner Food And Still Stay Fit?
I love Charlie. I think that's a universal opinion among Twilight fans. He's a genuinely caring father who's doing his best to reconnect with his daughter, while also trying to keep the town safe from predators. But there's one thing that doesn't add up about this guy. He eats a LOT of diner food. He even admits to Bella that he eats at the Carver Cafe EVERY NIGHT. Steak and cobbler. A giant side of fries on his plate. No judgment against the man for taking his meals at the local diner. Not everyone likes to cook, and who doesn't love a good steak they don't have to make themselves? But how can he eat steak and cobbler every day and look as fit as he does? Either his patrolling duties are keeping him in shape, or the man must have some metabolism.
Honorable Mention Questions
Here are a couple of things that didn't quite make the cut for one reason or another:
-School nitpick: Is there only one teacher at Forks' high school? Shout out to Mr. Molina (played by Jose Zuniga) and his golden onion.
-Mom nitpick: Why is Bella's Mom somewhere weird every time she calls her daughter? (At the mechanics, her husband's baseball practice, etc.)
-I've also been wondering how it only took one quick bite for James to send Bella headed toward vampire-land, but Edward spent what feels like a full minute sucking on Bella's arm and he doesn't turn her? I'm going to chalk that up to some explanation from the book that I'm forgetting, or maybe the turning process only happens with the first bite.