In her previous life, Gwyneth Paltrow was known somewhat as an Oscar-winning MCU actress, but she claims to be retired from all that now and is instead focusing on her lifestyle company, goop, which famously features a lot of vagina eggs and exploding vagina candles. In fact, the brand has since expanded its reach with multiple lifestyle series streaming on Netflix. Paltrow even gave her newest show Sex, Love & goop a shout-out in giving some wild sex advice to a Bachelor Nation couple.
How that happened: an old Twitter exchange was circulating on Instagram between The Bachelor Season 17’s Sean Lowe and his final rose winner/now-wife Catherine Giudici. They were seemingly joking around at the time about how buying off-brand pop-tarts was the “ugly side of marriage.” Apparently, though, Gwyneth Paltrow caught wind of their 2018 woes and decided to give them some actual sex advice to spark things up. She commented on the Instagram post with:
I have so many questions. Does this mean Gwyneth Paltrow is a Bachelor Nation fan? Did she know she @-ed the wrong Sean Lowe? What can Wolverine claws do specifically to rectify a pop-tart debacle? While those questions are harder to answer specifically from where yours truly sits, I can answer one inquiry: what even is a Wolverine claw in this context and how is it used for sex? Have no fear, I bravely researched and found out at least some of the answers.
As it turns out, the NSFW wolverine claw Gwyneth Paltrow is recommending doesn't do what the X-Men character does with his adamantium blades. (Those interested should hope so...) It looks quite similar, but the metallic claw actually is grazed across a sexual partner’s skin to sensitize it for foreplay and orgasm purposes. What's hilarious isn't exactly the sex toy itself, but the fact that Paltrow brought that up specifically for her advice to a Bachelor Nation alum who is most known for being staunchly religious. (Although his X-Men preferences are less publicized.) Fuller House star Candace Cameron Bure has made it clear that Christians aren't against sex in the slightest, so maybe Sean Lowe isn't entirely bothered by Paltrow’s suggestion.
Bachelor Nation isn't exactly notorious for producing long-lasting relationships in its 20-year history. So maybe its former stars, and the general public at large, need Gwyneth Paltrow’s Sex, Love & goop series to move the pleasure dial a bit more. The soon-to-be released Netflix show is a “toolkit for finding more pleasure and connection in our romantic lives,” according to Paltrow’s Instagram. She claims that it features lessons (and evidently Wolverine-claw devices) that she herself wishes she'd learned about “years ago.” In the trailer, there’s seemingly also some mirror work and sex wizardry going on. No exploding Gambit cards or Storm-fueled hurricanes, however.
Regardless, all I know is that Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest sex advice gives entirely new and hysterical meaning to a plethora of famous X-Men’s Wolverine quotes, such as “Nature made me a freak. Man made me a weapon. And God made it last too long,” and “The pain lets you know you’re still alive,” both from 2017's Logan. Anyway, I feel like I somehow understand Paltrow’s own relationship dynamics better now.
Catch Sex, Love & goop on Netflix when it premieres on October 21, right in the thick of the 2021 Fall TV season.
Freelance writer. Favs: film history, reality TV, astronomy, French fries.
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