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Hawaii Five-0 Watch: E Malama

Hawaii Five-0 is back after another week off with an episode that makes the wait well worth it. A woman, Julie something or other, to be precise, is under the protection of the state of Hawaii because she witnessed a murder. Unfortunately for Julie, the alleged murderer (wait, I don’t have to say alleged when it’s a fictitious character? Got it.) is a major drug boss who hired a few highly trained assassins to bring her down. If Julie doesn’t testify, he can’t be busted - right? Not that I’m a legal expert, but unless there’s some real evidence, her testimony just wouldn’t cut it; but hey, I’m not supposed to think about that I suppose.

After the assassins take out her protectors, Julie blasts them with a can of hairspray+lighter flamethrower and takes off. Now it’s up to Five-0 to find Julie, who has lodged herself somewhere deep within a jungle, and to catch her attackers. This story line must not have been enough on paper, so Danno is pulled out of the action after his ex-wife and daughter (not ex-daughter, I don’t think) are car jacked. It’s not LOST but having multiple stories in one episode is at least somewhat complex, right?

McGarrett and Chin march off into the jungle after Julie while Kono is once again put on desk duty, so to speak. Some say this is sexist; I’d say it’s because Grace Park isn’t a great actress - but to each his or her own, right? McGarrett and Chin find Julie after some super tracking including the following gems: “Look, the leaf is still green” “It would take a 200 pound man to overturn this rock” “Two large men, shoe size eleven.” Thank you, McGarrett, for this comedic gold. Now comes the real struggle: getting the hell out of dodger without the black cobra operatives finding them. GAME ON!

Meanwhile, Danno is investigating the mysterious car jacking of his ex-wife and daughter. Why was she driving Stan’s (her new husband) Mercedes? Why was the Mercedes dumped with everything inside intact? Why did they ransack her home while stealing nothing? Why does Stan have such a suspicious name? This many questions just about fries Danno’s brain, and he heads to the airport to pick up Stan, who is somewhat suspiciously on his way back from Thailand “on business” - yeah, okay buddy.

Okay, okay, so Stan isn’t actually caught up in anything except exposing some lowlife government agent; but hey, that wasn’t the point of this thread anyway, was it? Character progression comes in many forms, and Danno’s move away from being a prick we like to just a guy we like is fairly refreshing. Now, do I think it’s weird that it looks like Danno and his ex-wife are going to get back together? Yeah. Of course, I also think the entire lack of romantic relationships that occur in this show is weird. Yeah, every once in a while McGarrett is doing that Coast Guard chick, but are you telling me that Chin gets NO action? Seriously? My girlfriend nearly dumps me every week because I’m neither as bad-ass or as Asian as Chin. Maybe the questionnaires have shown that people would be less into the show if the characters were slightly believable? Who knows.

At this point, McGarrett and Chin have split up, with Chin taking Julie back to the courthouse where she needs to make her statement. McGarrett has taken out one of the bad guys, and is in the process of reviving him while Chin and Julie are on the run from the other assassin. McGarrett saves the day and all three make a mad dash back to the courthouse where Julie is dropped off with the prosecuting attorney. Before testifying, Julie and the prosecutor are approached by a defense lawyer who offers a deal: Her client pleads guilty but does not receive the death penalty; in turn, he gives up the names of several men like him. Tip off number one: The state of Hawaii has never used the death penalty, duh. Tip off number two: No wait, that first one should have cut it. Yeah, the other attorney was an assassin. Kono kicked her ass. End of story.

Other than some messed up legalese, this was a really solid episode of Hawaii Five-0. Chin was given crappy lines, McGarrett was a bad-ass, Danno got pissed off, and Kono jumped from her back to her feet for the third time in the past four episodes. What’s not to like about this show, am I right?