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They answer to a plethora of names. Like an always fresh and up-to-date Fletch. Breasts, mammaries, front meat, bazooms, melons, cans, fun bags, head lights, and, of course, titties. Even gay guys and women have a deep-seeded appreciation for the sweet rack. It’s just ingrained, likely because, as philosopher Dwight Schrute once asserted, we’re just a bunch of grown-up and thirsty babies. Sure, the God-fearing suburbanite inside you might feel a little sinful and squirmy about the booby lusting, but we’re all sick, perverted voyeurs when no one’s watching. There’s no shame in it, or at least, I don’t feel any. That’s why I’m proudly writing an article about how fetching it was to finally see Mary-Louise Parker’s grapefruits on Weeds.
It’s not as if I haven’t seen her naked before. Angels In America, anyone? But it all has to do with how Weeds treated Mary-Louise Parker’s milkshake. For three and a half seasons, directors purposely teased her chesticles, shooting around them in sex scenes, while still sexualizing her character, stimulating our more primal sensations. And then finally--like a token from that old, horny bastard Zeus himself-- the skin came out, in all its glory on Monday night.
Think of it in terms of Sex And The City. Kim Cattrall pranced around in the nude every ten minutes; so, there was no longing or excitement. But Sarah Jessica Parker, well, she kept the panties on; so, imagine the hullabaloo her nipples could have caused if, out of nowhere, she bared it all several seasons into the show. That’s pretty much what happened with Mary-Louise Parker. Breasts and asses and vaginas and even penises sauntered about during the program’s run, but because the hottest mother since Mrs. Brady never left the shades open, there was a sense among fans that the cookie jar would never be uncorked. Boy, were we wrong.
I’m not advocating Jenji Kohan turn Weeds into soft-core pornography. We all have late night Cinemax. I don’t even want to see Nancy lift up her blouse every episode, but it was nice, after three-and-a-half years of blue-balling viewers with PG-13 rated side-boob, to finally see Mary-Louise Parker’s hydroponics.