Which is more important, a new copier or new chairs? Anyone who’s ever worked in an office can probably see why a debate like this would divide a group of paper-pushers. No one wants to be stuck in a crappy chair all day but anyone who has dealt with an unruly copier that eats originals and never produces good copies knows the kind of rage that frequent trips to the copy room can bring on. So what is Michael to do?
Oscar explains to Michael that in going over the annual budget, there is a surplus of $4300. After dumbing it down for him as much as possible, Oscar says that if they don’t spend this $4300 by the end of the day, corporate will deduct that amount from next year’s budget. So Michael has to decide what to do with the money. Half the office, lead largely by Pam, want new chairs. The other half, headed up by Jim and Oscar, want a new copier. Michael is unable to decide, which leads the office to fight for his affections, hoping to win him over one way or the other.
Jim’s been making his own copies since getting engaged to Pam because he feels guilty asking her to make them. He’s sick of the copier and is willing to side with Oscar on the issue even if it means going against his fiancé. Jim and Pam seem to be enjoying the competition, which is mostly friendly but there’s definitely an edge of seriousness to it as the two taunt each other and take turns trying to get Michael to see things their way.
Jim and Oscar take Michael to lunch, likely spending the bulk of the meal talking about how great a new copier would be. When they return, Pam, all made-up and ready to get her flirt on, goes into Michael’s office and compliments him on his $4.00 TJ Maxx tie and boys-size pants. She turns up the charm big-time and leaves Michael chuckling and probably wondering what he did to become such a rock star today. Everyone else is kissing up to him as well. We even catch a glimpse of one of those super-rare big toothy grins from Stanley.
Michael attempts to get the security guy to help him make a decision but he’s just as torn as Michael is about what’s best. On a phone call with David Wallis, Michael learns that he gets a 15% bonus of whatever surplus he produces in the annual budget. Figuring out that this means $645 in his pocket if he doesn’t use the money for anything, he quickly begins plotting to purchase a fur coat from Burlington Coat Factory. Because a fur coat would really top off the boy-pants and discount tie ensemble perfectly.
When Michael starts wavering on using the money for something for the office, Oscar immediately realizes that he must have learned about the bonus. The whole office, who earlier that day would’ve crawled into his lap if he’d asked any of them to is now against him. We all know Michael doesn’t like people being mad at him so despite already having purchased the ugly fur coat, he tells the staff to sort it out among themselves. If they can’t decide between the copier or the chairs, they’re getting neither. He figures they won’t be able to come to a decision but as is often the case, he was wrong. The office agrees on new chairs and Michael now has a fur coat with fake blood all over it to pay off.
While all of this is going on, Dwight and Angela are at Schrute Farms trying to iron out the details of the big wedding while Andy stands in the background, stepping in poop and wondering why he keeps getting shuffled aside whenever big decisions need to be made. Dwight’s a practical man. He’s willing to consider slaughtering the entrees the day before the wedding for a boost in pay. Though his suggestion for digging a trench, outfitted with stumps to serve as an extra bathroom doesn’t go over well.
Sneaky Dwight leads Andy and Angela into the barn where the wedding will take place. A German Mennonite minister is on hand to help with the demonstration. Little do Angela and Andy realize that as the minister is speaking (in German) with Angela and Dwight standing before him, he’s actually marrying them. “I do”’s are spoken and afterwards, while Mose is busy chucking something at Andy’s head, Dwight reveals to Angela that they really just got married. She had just revealed to him that she realized she made a mistake in choosing Andy but upon learning that Dwight secretly married her without asking her permission, she chucks the twine-ring he gave her at him and walks off. Later at the office, Angela gives Andy a huge smooch right in front of Dwight and then says she has something legal to take care of.
This episode was full of great moments. Like Pam coyly kissing Jim just after she threatens him and Jim later turning it around on her with a sexy smooch of his own, accompanied by a pile of copies he needs her to make for him. Point to Jim!
The episode was also full of amazing quotables. Here are some of the stand-out lines:
“You are the silent killer. Go back to the annex” – Michael to Toby
“I swallowed all your ideas. I’m going to digest them and see what comes out the other end.” - Michael to the Dunder Mifflin staff.
“We’re getting married at Schrute Farms, no matter what. I have looked at twelve venues, I have lost eight deposits and I have seen Angela naked zero times. I am not losing another deposit.” – Andy
“I really need this new chair. I mean seriously – How is it possible that in five years I’ve had two engagement rings and only one chair.” – Pam
“I would like a cow butter sculpture of a cat.” – Angela
“There’s that ass!” – Pam, to Michael
“That will resolve this iss-syew.” – Michael
“Good work. I’m proud of you. Mother--!”- Michael, after realizing he’s not going to get his bonus.
“What have we learned this week? Well, 1) thanks to me, my team is much, much faster at coming to decisions than I thought they would be. #2, Never buy a fur coat with a credit card until you absolutely have the money to pay for it and 3) You should know that some people think it’s cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you are walking out of Burlington Coat Factory.” – Michael on the moral of the story.