When it comes to the holiday spirit, it’s all well and good until it’s not, meaning: sometimes you need a break from your family! Or in the very least, something you can all gather ‘round and stare at in silence thanks to the heady food coma that commences post-present times. And while Netflix's version of the Yule Log is all well and good for part of the festivities, it is but one option in a sea of many. For instance, you could also binge-watching some premium television, or make some holiday memories with your family in the snow. Either or, really!
Because television is the great uniter: or, in the very least, the greatest distraction that ever was or ever will be (before the Internet came to town), and there’s plenty that will be on the small screen should your holiday hootenanny prove too much to handle. So we’ve compiled a solid and varied list of some of the many things playing on television this Wednesday, in case repeat viewings of A Christmas Story aren’t really your bag.
For Mom, The RomCom Movie Buff
As far as films go, there are plenty of potential winners popping up across a whole myriad of networks — basic and cable alike. Sure, there’s the obvious A Christmas Story marathon, if you’re into being unoriginal. Or there’s also Burlesque playing on Bravo starting at 9:30am, followed by Forgetting Sarah Marshall, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Something’s Gotta Give, and Steel Magnolias to round out all the Christmas cheer.
Or there’s always all those Lifetime movies, that are — of course — all holiday themed and airing all day long. And Oxygen, which is playing Nora Ephron’s classic When Harry Met Sally at 2pm, before the Sarah Jessica Parker-fronted The Family Stone.
For Your Sister, The Pop Culture Junkie
Feel like you’ve missed out on the tragic doings of the Klan Kardash? We’ll keep this one short and sweet: E! has a Keeping Up with The Kardashians marathon from 9am to 3:30pm. Should keep her quiet (until she decides to try out her newly acquired vocal fry inflection).
For Your Geeky Step-Siblings
Whovians the world over know what their Christmas Day will consist of: the regeneration of Matt Smith into Peter Capaldi on the annual Doctor Who Christmas Special. This year’s tale is a bit different, though, as “The Time of The Doctor” comes fresh off the heels of the game-changing 50th Anniversary special, “The Day of The Doctor,” and sees the end of one of the Timelord’s most beloved faces. While the special airs at 9pm on BBC America, the network will be airing the seventh season and the 50th anniversary in a lead-up, so Allons-y and Geronimo, everyone!
For Your 13 Year-Old Cousins That are OB-SESSED with Tumblr
MTV is the answer here, with two of its most popular and GIFable series — Awkward and Girl Code — pulling marathon duty throughout the day, leading up to the 2:46pm airing of everyone’s favorite Tim Burton flick about Halloween and Christmas combined, The Nightmare Before Christmas. Don’t worry, you’ll be considered the “cool” cousin for cluing them into Jack Skellington before their friends that work at Hot Topic do.
For Your Sugared-Up Little Brother
Cartoon Network is playing several Christmas-themed cartoons starting on Christmas Eve and straight on through the 25th. A Johnny Bravo Christmas starting at 6am should keep the youngins occupied until the parents are done brewing coffee. After that there’s always Abominable Christmas, the classic Scooby-Doo! Haunted Holidays, and even a Smurfs Christmas episode all before 11am when Adventure Time’s “Holly Jolly Secrets” episode from 2011 arrives on screen. Relive your childhood while you open the sweater Aunt Diane knitted for you with the baseball on it. I mean, she still thinks you’re twelve, so might as well play the part, right?
For Your Boyfriend Who’s Sick of Your Family
There’s a Mel Brooks marathon over on Sundance starting with The Producers at 6am, followed by History of the World Part 1, Young Frankenstein, and my personal favorite, Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Or, if he’s into cooler humor, perhaps The Blues Brothers on VH1 starting at noon.
For Your Grandparents Who Just Want Something to Fall Asleep in Front Of
TLC is marathoning Undercover Boss for nearly twelve hours, starting at noon and going until 11pm. No other time will you have the chance to say you spent your Christmas with the COO of Orkin.
And if none of those work, well, then you'll just have to take a stab at the many bingeworthy offerings on Amazon Prime and Netflix.