Friends has gone down in history as one of the most beloved sitcoms of all time, even decades after it aired its final episode on NBC. Each member of the main cast — Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc, Matthew Perry, and David Schwimmer — brought a specific quality to their characters, but it was Perry as Chandler Bing who was often given the wittiest one-liners and snappiest comebacks. Let’s take a look back at some of the most hilarious Chandler Bing quotes from Friends.
“And I Just Want A Million Dollars!” - The One Where Monica Gets A Roommate
In the pilot episode, a newly divorced Ross told his friends that he just wanted to be married again, only to have Rachel burst through the doors of Central Perk wearing a wedding dress. Who could blame Chandler for trying his luck with his own wish aimed at the coffee shop's entrance?
“Dear God! This Parachute Is A Knapsack!” - The One With The Birth
Chandler thought he was doing a nice thing by telling Monica that if she weren’t married by the time she was 40 that he would be with her. When she proceeded to drill him on why he thought she’d still be single at that age, he chose to eject, literally throwing himself over the back of his chair with this line as if jumping out of a plane.
“I Can Handle It. ‘Handle’ Is My Middle Name. Actually It’s The Middle Part Of My First Name” - The One Without The Ski Trip
With Chandler using humor as his primary (and possibly only) coping mechanism, this seems like the kind of joke that would have been written as soon as the name "Chandler" was chosen for the character. Whatever the origin of the moniker, the clever comment showed exactly how Matthew Perry’s character planned to deal with the awkwardness of Ross and Rachel’s breakup.
“Shut Up! Shut Up! Shut Up!” - The One With The Cop
You don’t even have to be a Friends fan to be familiar with Ross’ “Pivot! Pivot! Pivot” quote from this Season 5 episode, but just as funny was Chandler’s mocking response.
“The Fifth Dentist Caved And Now They’re All Recommending Trident?” - The One With All The Poker
It always sounded weird to hear commercials for toothpaste, toothbrushes, or, in this case, gum advertise that 4 out of 5 professionals recommended their product. What’s the fifth dentist holding out for? This was clearly the kind of thing Chandler wondered about too, as proven by his response to Rachel excitedly telling the gang to, “Guess what!”
“My Apartment Isn’t There Anymore, Because I Drank It” - The One Where Chandler Can’t Remember Which Sister
Chandler got himself into quite the pickle by drinking too much at Joey’s birthday party and making out with one of his roommate’s sisters. This line was such a funny way of expressing that Chandler drank so much, there was literally nothing left for him to imbibe.
“I Took The Quiz, And It Turns Out I Do Put Career Before Men” - The One Where No One’s Ready
This is pretty on-brand, not just because Chandler Bing seems like the kind of guy who would take the time to complete a quiz in Cosmo, but because he might genuinely be concerned about the results.
“No, Interestingly Enough, Her Leafblower Picked Up” - The One With The Evil Orthodontist
Chandler’s social awkwardness was matched only by his sarcasm, as proven when he abruptly hung up a phone call because he “got her machine.” When Joey tried to clarify the obvious — “Her answering machine?” — Chandler got him with the above comeback. Of course, with answering machines being a thing of the past, maybe Joey’s question wasn’t so crazy after all.
“She’s Right, If I Were A Guy … Did I Just Say, ‘If I Were A Guy’?” - The One Where Rachel’s Sister Babysits
The funniest observations are often the ones we make about ourselves, and Chandler was taken aback by his words to Phoebe in a discussion about Mike’s botched proposal.
“It Kills Over One Americans Every Year” - The One With The Memorial Service
That’s no typo. Ross did not find it amusing when Chandler wrote on their college alumni site that he had died, although Chandler argued that getting “hit by a blimp” was, in fact, amusing. He then soberly informed Ross of the fatality rate of such an accident.
“I’m Not Great At The Advice. Can I Interest You In A Sarcastic Comment?” - The One With The Tea Leaves
You’d think Rachel would know by Season 8 that Chandler shouldn’t be her first call for what to do in a sticky situation. At least Chandler recognized what Jennifer Aniston’s character couldn’t.
“You Have To Stop The Q-Tip When There’s Resistance” - The One With Ross’s New Girlfriend
This Season 2 joke was famously Matthew Perry’s favorite Chandler one-liner, delivered after Joey hilariously went back and forth on whether he was 15 or 16 the first time he visited his family’s tailor.
“Woop-ah!” - The One With All The Wedding Dresses
More of an onomatopoeia than a quote, Chandler was simply terrible at making a whip sound.
“Hi, I’m Chandler. I Make Jokes When I’m Uncomfortable” - The One With The Proposal: Part 1
Chandler was experiencing next-level anxiety when introducing himself to Richard’s date, and who could blame him? Chandler was just about to propose when Monica’s ex-boyfriend walked into the restaurant.
“Nice Camouflage, Man. For A Minute There I Almost Didn’t See You” - The One After The Super Bowl: Part 2
As if anyone needed more proof that Chandler should be kept under close observation when interacting with the public, this line from Season 2 — which came when he encountered a soldier on the set of a movie — followed an equally cringey comment to actors in Hazmat suits, where he asked, “So, you guys in the movie or just really paranoid?”
“Someone On The Subway Licked My Neck. Licked My Neck!” - The One With The Engagement Picture
Ah, the beauties of New York City public transportation. Honestly, it's debatable what's funnier — that this happened to Chandler or the way he reacted to it.
“I’m Hopeless And Awkward And Desperate For Love!” - The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel
Chandler freaked Janice out in this Season 3 episode by trying to move their relationship forward too fast. As she walked out of his apartment, he yelled after her, putting all of his messiness on the table. At least he was being honest?
“If I Don’t Input Those Numbers… It Doesn’t Make Much Of A Difference” - The One Where Monica Gets A Roommate
The running joke that nobody knew what Chandler’s job was started way back in the very first Friends episode, when he seems to admit that whatever he does, it’s not all that important. That turned out to be a good thing anyway, given how much time the gang spent drinking coffee at Central Perk.
“What’s Wrong With Me? Ooh, Don’t Open That Door” - The One With The Vows
Insecurities started to set in for Chandler when he saw how easy it seemed to be for Monica to write her wedding vows in this Season 7 episode, and he started to question (via internal monologue) why he couldn’t do the same. Thank goodness he stopped before having a full existential crisis.
“His Legs Flail About As If Independent From His Body!” - The One With The Embryos
The Season 4 episode where Monica and Rachel switch apartments with Chandler and Joey is a fan-favorite, as the guys and girls competed to see who knew who better. While Chandler and Joey came out victorious, Matthew Perry's character was humbled a couple of times, including when he had to explain why Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance, “scares the bejesus” out of him.
“Gum Would Be Perfection” - The One With The Blackout
Chandler’s awkwardness around members of the opposite sex was well-established, even in Season 1, when he got stuck in a bank vestibule with Jill Goodacre. After realizing it was a mistake to have turned down the Victoria’s Secret model’s offer of gum, he tried to correct the error — in the cringiest way ever.
“Gym Member. I Try To Go Four Times A Week, But I’ve Missed The Last 1,200 Times” - The One With The Ballroom Dancing
We’ve all done this, right? If I pay for the membership, I’ll go to the gym. That’s not how things worked out for Chandler, but apparently the only thing harder than throwing money away every month was actually convincing the gym to let him quit.
“How Do You Find Clothes That Fit?” - The One Where Old Yeller Dies
Monica offered Chandler and Joey the leftover chicken from her and Richard’s dinner, telling them, “I’ve got a leg, three breasts, and a wing.” Nice comeback, Chandler.
“You’re Gonna Carry Their Child And Get Them A Sony PlayStation?” - The One With Phoebe’s Uterus
Phoebe barely hesitated when her brother Frank Jr. asked her to be the surrogate for him and his wife Alice. She told the gang she was excited to give them “the greatest gift you can possibly give,” prompting this knee-slapper from Mr. Bing.
“So Great Things Are Happening At Work And Your Personal Life!” - The One With Joey’s New Brain
Joey had big news in Season 7 when he learned Dr. Drake Ramoray was coming out of his coma, and not just that but, “I’m getting a new brain!” Of course, he was still talking about his Days of Our Lives character, but Chandler’s way was kind of funnier.
“If You’re Not Careful, You May Not Get Married At All This Year.” - The One With The Proposal: Part 1
Ross’ multiple failed marriages always made for easy jokes, but that didn’t make them less funny. Chandler issued his friend this warning in Season 6 when David Schwimmer’s character decided to break things off with college student Elizabeth.
“Dehydrated Japanese Noodles Under Fluorescent Lights… Does It Get Better Than This?” - The One Where Nana Dies Twice
Office jobs, am I right? Chandler's signature sarcasm highlighted the part of the American dream that is eating ramen in a drab office lunchroom.
“And Yet I Never Run Into Beyoncé” - The One Where Estelle Dies
In a city of over 8 million people, it was strange that Janice kept popping up wherever Chandler was. When he and Monica realized she was looking to buy the house next door to the one they purchased in Season 10, Janice exclaimed, “What a small world!” leading him to wonder why that seemed to only be the case with his ex.
“Oh Man, In My Next Life I’m Coming Back As A Toilet Brush” - The One With The Candy Hearts
Chandler wondered what kind of a person could break up with someone — in this case, Janice — on Valentine’s Day, leading Joey to point out he’d also dumped her on New Year’s. It’s easy to see how Chandler might be worried about his fate in the afterlife.
“Cheese — It’s Milk That You Chew” - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Ad-writing isn't easy. Or maybe we should say GOOD ad-writing isn't easy, as Chandler learned when trying to pitch everyday items like cheese and, "Bagels and doughnuts — round food for every mood."
“And I Just Realized I Can Sleep With My Eyes Open” - The One Where Phoebe Runs
The gang was never very good at indulging Ross’ scientific proclivities, but that didn’t stop him from sharing with Chandler the interesting book he had read that said by 2030 we’ll be able to download our thoughts and memories into a computer and live forever as a machine. Chandler may have wanted to stay awake for that prediction, because Ross seems to have a pretty good grasp on how technology is evolving.
“My Wallet’s Too Small For My 50s And My Diamond Shoes Are Too Tight” - The One With The List
Chandler often got frustrated that Ross and Joey didn’t have as much trouble with women as he did, so when Ross was struggling over whether to date Julie or Rachel, Chandler wasn’t having it. He sarcastically commented that it must be so hard to be Ross — “Oh no, two women love me.” — and joked about how ludicrous Ross’ predicament was.
With 10 seasons of amazing comedy from Chandler Bing (thanks to the writers and, of course, Matthew Perry's talent), it's hard to narrow down his best ones, but this list sure is an indication of at least partially why Friends has remained so popular after all these years.
