Is it just us, the people of the modern age, who only owned dolls and stuffed animals that were actually attractive things to behold? The fact that anyone would ever want to own and display a doll that looks like a plastic whorechild is beyond me, and that’s just the kind of thing that makes me all the more wary of Warner Bros. and New Line’s upcoming horror Annabelle, a prequel spinoff of James Wan’s hugely successful haunted house flick The Conjuring. We have our very first look at the film through the teaser trailer seen above, and it looks…exactly as you’d imagine it would.
This trailer is actually more of a pre-title-card sequence, as we’re introduced to both actors Ward Horton and Annabelle Wallis as well as Annabelle, who is presented as a gift. A GIFT! Not only do viewers have to suspend their disbelief to accept a children’s toy getting possessed by some malevolent spirit, but we’re also supposed to believe that this woman was actually looking for this doll for a long time?
"Ah, now I can finally complete my collection of bipedal nightmare machines."
I do rather enjoy this different mode of trailer creation, as it doesn’t quite appear to give anything away from the bulk of the film. Unless having these people die is a huge spoiler or something; in which case, this is the worst trailer ever. I expected the story to basically be a retreading of The Conjuring (and, by extension, every other paranormal object movie that’s ever existed), so this teaser doesn’t really disrupt that thought process. I assume the moments after Annabelle gets blood in her eye is when Alfre Woodard and Eric Ladin’s detective character come in and try to figure out what’s going on. (Hint: a doll is haunting people.) Regardless of the facts being displayed, though, this looks and sounds exactly like every other thriller out there.
Directed by Mortal Kombat: Annihilation’s John R. Leonetti, Annabelle presumably won’t stick too closely to the doll’s actual history, which was summed up in the Conjuring’s opening. Annabelle’s case is actually in the records kept by paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren, but they don’t appear to have anything to do with this one. And it doesn’t take a genius to assume that their absence means this movie will be open-ended, welcoming an endless line of sequels. But at least that would be an original idea, basing a franchise on a killer doll. Wait…
Never mind. Expect to find Annabelle sitting in your chair spinning its head around when it hits theaters on October 3, 2014.