I'm Really Digging How Meta The New Anaconda Looks, But Can I Talk About How Perfect The 1997 Original Is?

I watched the recent trailer for the new Anaconda movie starring Jack Black and Paul Rudd, and I am really digging the meta energy that it's exuding. That said, can I just take a second to gush over how perfect the first Anaconda movie was from 1997, which starred Ice Cube, Jennifer Lopez, and Jon Voight?

Because while the new trailer indeed looks pretty crazy, I actually don’t know if it can touch the outlandishness of that first glorious film. The ‘90s were a pretty crazy time, man, and even though I don’t think anybody would call Anaconda one of the best movies of that era, it’s actually one of the first movies I think about whenever I remember the last decade of the 1900s (as the kids like to call it).

So, why is the first movie such a gem? Well, you’re about to find out.

The Original Perfectly Contains The Right Amount Of Cheese And Scares

Did you ever watch the classic movie, King Kong (And if not, you should. I’ve even watched it with my son – along with some Godzilla films)? Well, anyway, in the movie, a film crew goes to a mysterious island to make a movie. However, what they find there they couldn’t have ever imagined, as there’s a giant ape that they decide to take back to New York. The rest, as you know, is history.

Well, Anaconda kind of has a similar plot. In this movie, a filmmaker (this time played by the icon, Jennifer Lopez) journeys to the Amazon with a crew to make a movie about a tribe, and they stumble across this weirdo (Jon Voight), who will help them. However, what he really wants to do is find a giant anaconda for profit, and he’s willing to use his new “friends” as bait.

It’s a simple story, but one that actually has some pretty good frights, and a lot of laughs. For example, one of my favorite lines of all time is from this film: “Is snakes out there dis big?!” Plus, Jon Voight’s performance is absolutely bonkers, and I’ll get into it later.

However, I want to talk about the frights again. Because honestly, this movie gives me the creeps. Giant animals usually don’t frighten me, but they tease the snake so often in this film that when it finally does attack, it’s actually pretty scary, which I’ll get into next.

The Snake Still Looks Damn Good

Like any normal movie fan, I love Jaws. In fact, I just watched it again recently, but this time on the big screen. But, here’s the thing about the Jaws movies: Bruce – the behind-the-scenes name for the shark – never looks very good. I mean, in the first film, I actually think the weakest parts of the movie are when we actually see the shark.

They did their best, of course, and Spielberg has been known to talk about just how hard it was to work with the mechanical beast. But honestly, the best parts are when we hear that ominous John Williams score, but don’t see the shark. It’s so much more effective when we just see the reactions of people and imagine what the shark might look like. Because when we do finally see Bruce, he looks kind of ridiculous.

That said, the animatronic snake in Anaconda actually looked really good back in 1997, and it still looks good today. It’s irrationally big, but it also looks real enough that it gives me the shivers every time I see it. It also moves in a slithery, creepy way, just like I imagine a giant snake would move.

Plus, the way it kills its victims is also quite scary. It doesn’t just bite them, but it also wraps around them and squeezes the life out of them. It all just looks damn good, and it elevates the film above other similar creature features.

You Can't Get Better With This Cast

Movies – especially goofy ones – need great actors to really sell them. I’m talking about Michael Caine in Jaws: The Revenge, or George Clooney in Batman & Robin. Well, Anaconda is loaded with talented performers, and it just makes the movie work all the more so.

I’m talking about Jonathan Hyde, Owen Wilson, Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, and of course, Jon Voight, who I’m going to reserve talking about because he deserves his own section of recognition. But, while most movies that some would call “silly" might have one or two great actors (Think the first Halloween with Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasence), Anaconda is stacked with talent.

And, the thing is, a lot of them have pretty thankless roles, getting killed by the anaconda to ramp up the stakes. Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube are the two main leads (with Ice Cube, in a unique turn, being a Black character who survives to the end), and Jon Voight is the secondary antagonist.

However, all of the characters, even if their roles are pretty minor, still have a genuine moment to shine…even if that moment is getting dragged into the water to be digested later. I think it really works in its favor, and something its sequel, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, probably could have used.

And I Need To Specifically Talk About Jon Voight's Gonzo Performance

I've seen every movie that's won Best Picture, and I think one of the greatest is Midnight Cowboy. In it, Dustin Hoffman and Jon Voight play down-on-their-luck people who form an unlikely friendship in a cold New York world.

I'd say they’re career-defining performances for both actors, and I genuinely think either Voight or Hoffman should have beaten John Wayne for Best Actor at the 42nd Academy Awards. Well, do you want to know what I think is another “career-defining performance”? Jon Voight's role in Anaconda as snake hunter, Paul Serone.

Because Serone is seriously something else. He's weird – actually, uncomfortably weird – and the other people on the boat pick up on his strange vibes almost immediately. He also steals this movie, as every scene he's in, whether it's reciting silly dialogue or making really weird faces, makes him even more interesting than the titular snake itself.

In this way, Voight practically makes this movie, as I couldn't envision the film being nearly as good if he didn't grace it with his oddball presence. Because even though Anaconda is a schlocky movie, it'd probably be forgettable if it didn’t have Voight in it. But with him, it's a silly, relatively modern “masterpiece.”

Overall, The Original Anaconda Is One Of The Last Truly Great Creature Features

Now, you might wonder why I put quotation marks around the word “masterpiece” before, and well, it's because most people wouldn't consider Anaconda a masterpiece, obviously.

Usually, when people call a movie that, they're typically referring to films like The Godfather, Tokyo Story, or The Seventh Seal. You know, actual masterpieces. However, what somebody considers a masterpiece is purely subjective, and I'm the kind of guy who calls 1954's Godzilla a masterpiece. So yes, I think Anaconda is one, too.

While it is a nonsense movie, it's also intentionally so. It's a creature feature, and proud of it, from the very first scene to the last. In fact, I consider it the last truly great creature feature that I can think of. Because while yes, I enjoyed films like Lake Placid, The Meg, and even Bong Joon Ho's The Host, which I consider a more sophisticated creature feature, I don't think any of them are as cheesy (or as creepy) as Anaconda.

What do you think? Do you also love this film? I'd love to hear your thoughts!