The script for Deadpool is practically one long joke. From the moment the film announces that it stars "God’s Perfect Idiot," the jokes never really stop. However, as you could have guessed, there were many, many jokes that didn’t quite make the cut. Most of the scenes in the movie saw multiple takes, each with new and different jokes ad-libbed by Ryan Reynolds and T.J. Miller, or just thrown in from director Tim Miller, or whoever else came up with a great line.
Deadpool’s writers Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese have pulled back the curtain for Entertainment Weekly on a few of the jokes that didn’t make it into the final movie. Here are a few of our favorites. Minor spoilers for the jokes that did make the final cut beyond this point.
A Shrek ReferenceWhen Weasel (T.J. Miller) tells Wade Wilson what he looks like after his mutant genes have activated, he makes reference to fornicating avocados and a topographical map of Utah. We’d already heard that Miller went so crazy with that scene that he came up with lines that were even too offensive for the director. One of the available options would have fit perfectly, however.
It looks like Shrek took a shit on your shoulders.
So that image is...vivid. We’ll never be able to watch the animated ogre again without thinking about Deadpool.
Goon Backup PlanIn the final fight scene, Deadpool makes fairly short work of Ajax’s goons. Most of them lost limbs at the hands of Deadpool’s swinging katanas. However, one of them has, at least, one arm left as there was originally a scene where one of the soldiers, lying on the ground, attempted to grab our hero by the ankle. Deadpool avoids the thug's cunning grapple, kicks the guy in the head, and then quips:
Your plan to trip me to death… has failed.
The filmmakers decided that the movie needed to actually cut down on the jokes in this sequence and actually focus on the plot for a minute, so they cut it out. We still like it, the idea that even fighting for his life, and the life of the love of his life, can’t make Deadpool keep his mouth shut. It just feels accurate.
More X-Men Origins "Love"One of the great lines in the movie is when Wade Wilson makes reference to his most prized possession. At first, we think he’s talking about the action figure made to look like his character from X-Men: Origins - Wolverine before we discover he’s actually talking about his Wham! album. Originally there was a follow-up line where he says exactly what he thinks of the action figure.
This? This is the biggest piece of shit in the history of Earth.
The line wasn’t really needed. Director Tim Miller didn’t see a need to make another joke at the expense of the movie, feeling the point was already made. We’re not sure you can insult that movie enough.
Odd Man OutWhen Ajax and Angel Dust show up at Sister Margaret’s trying to track down Wade Wilson, Angel puts the squeeze on Weasel. Luckily for him, everybody in the bar is armed and ready to take both the villains down if they don’t let the bartender go. Weasel then thanks them all for having his back. Well, almost everybody. One guy gets called out by Weasel for not offering to help.
Dave, I didn’t see your gun!
While not specified, we hope the line is followed by a shot of Dave looking very embarrassed. We can’t imagine what the hell Dave’s problem was. Apparently Dave is just a jerk.
More Green Lantern HateMuch like X-Men Origins, we can’t get enough of Deadpool bad-mouthing Ryan Reynolds' other attempts at making superhero movies. When Colossus first makes his pitch to Deadpool that the merc with a mouth should join the X-Men, Wade Wilson explains exactly why he’s not interested.
It’s not the first time someone’s made that offer to me. And it sounds great. It’s only later you discover there’s no script, they’re trying to hit an unmakeable release date, and the super-suit’s going to look like it belongs in a Saturday morning cartoon.
While the writers were afraid of over-pressing the joke, they were apparently also afraid that the interlude would impact the film’s pacing. Honestly, we like this even better than the primary Green Lantern joke that made the film. We’d have willing to make the trade.