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Awww. Look at John Cena in his giant, muscle-man tuxedo. He's adorable. Now, anyone who's seen Cena wrestle and command a live audience knows that the man has charisma to spare, but, uh, Cena just did the damn thing on that ESPY stage. He was basically flawless. Cena appeared comfortable on stage and his natural charm shined through even though he wasn't half-naked.
So, let's break this down and take a look at how John Cena nailed his ESPY opening monologue. After a brief, heartfelt opening, he (and whoever wrote his monologue) did things right by starting off by poking a little fun at himself and the wrestling profession in general, by asking why the award show chose to ask a guy from "the red-headed step child of sport and entertainment" to host the biggest night in sports. And, he's definitely right that a lot of people probably asked that very question when they heard that Cena was hosting. But, as he then goes to point out, while wrestling is filled with often scripted madness and crazy characters, the rest of sports isn't exactly without some similar traits. I actually love the "you should be ashamed of yourselves" look on his face when he admonishes all of sports by noting that it's time for the whole general profession to take a look at itself and realize it shouldn't act quite so high and mighty.
John Cena manages to point out, very astutely, how the sporting profession fills its ranks with things that sound an awful lot like what happens in wrestling. Cleveland winning the NBA Championship this year? Obviously just as scripted as your average wrestling match; everyone knows Cleveland can never really win anything. LeBron James was the NBA's resident good guy/bad guy/good guy for a while, and now the sport simply has to pull someone else into the bad guy void to start their epic storyline for next season. The NFL gave us a classic hero vs. villain plot with Peyton Manning and Tom Brady, and heaven knows that the Giants' Odell Beckham Jr. is, without a doubt, "one parrot away" from being WWE Hall of Famer Koko B. Ware. And, comparing WWE puppet master Vince McMahon to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell? Priceless.
Then the monologue takes a seamless turn into a string of jokes about the who's who and what's what of modern professional sports. He name checks a number of stars, including Kobe Bryant, Ric Flair, Tim Duncan, Serena Williams, Bob Costas and even Beyonce and Jay Z. Honestly, it's no longer difficult to see why the ESPY awards picked John Cena to host their biggest night. The dude is just awesome at this. If there is any justice in the award-hosting world John Cena will be invited to head up a lot more of these things in the future, and we'll all be the better for it. Even if he doesn't come out shirtless and in a pair of jean shorts.