There are lots of children's shows on television, and as a parent of a youngin, I can say the vast majority of them don't make a ton of sense. While that does occasionally irk the television writer in me, there's something to be said for any slice of programming, such as Disney Junior's Vampirina, that can grab my child's attention long enough to allow me to relax for just 30 minutes longer when a recharge is needed.
When I do need a break that only the boob tube can assist with, Vampirina is one of the first shows I'll throw on. It's colorful, it has catchy songs, and it inspires solid moral values. As great as all that is, I find that the more I watch it, the more time I have to dwell on pondering the logical details of Vampirina's universe. My daughter has no complaints, but I'm sure other parents have also wondered about some of these questions that I've had.
Why Is The Hauntley Family So Awful At Hiding They Are Vampires?
For a familial unit intent on keeping their identities as vampires secret, the Hauntleys are pretty awful at keeping a low, vamp-free profile. For one, they run a "Scare B&B" (which is a way better business name than Hotel Transylvania) for monsters visiting Pennsylvania, and they know very little about American customs. Also...they named their child Vampirina. Couldn't they have given her an alias when she went to public school? Was Desirea or Nia not available?
As well, let's point out how awful Vampirina is in particular at hiding her vampire identity. She'll "accidentally" reference being a vampire to a regular human at least 1-3 times an episode, and then always manages to avoid being discovered just by the skin of her teeth. (Long-con theory: she actually WANTS to get her family caught.) Even if she hadn't come clean to her friends Poppy and Bridget, it wouldn't have taken them long to figure out the big secret.
Why/How Does Vamperina Shape Her Hair Like Bat Wings?
Vamperina's hair is unique to say the least, with her pigtails nearly identical to the bat wings she sprouts when transforming into a bat. Previously, I had two questions. One, is it taxonomically wrong to continue calling them pigtails? Two, is that her real bat wings concealed as hair, or does she actually fix her hair to look like bat wings? Either way, I again ask why this family bothers to pretend like keeping a low profile matters.
The episode "Bat Hair Day" officially confirmed that, yes, the wings are purely a hairstyle. Considering how messed up her hair got in that particular episode, this family must spend a small fortune on hair gel or "scare gel" or whatever the monster equivalent is. It's a cute look, sure. But not the least conspicuous look for anyone trying to hide one's life as a vampire under wraps.
Is Monster Tourism A Commercially Viable Market For Pennsylvania?
While I admire the entrepreneurial spirit Oxana and Boris showed off by opening a B&B for traveling monsters, I have to question the location. Pennsylvania is of course a great state, and is home to some lovely fictional families, but it's not necessarily a #1 destination for travelers of a more ghoulish variety to pass through. The Scare B&B has maintained a steady flow of traffic in the show so far, but will it hold up?
If business slows down, the good news is that the house likely has little to no overhead to worry about. Boris stated the house has been in his family for hundreds of years, which means it's probably in his name, and is almost certainly free from a mortgage. Still, staffing full time chef Remy Bones can't be cheap, and a slow period could put the family in a tight spot.
How Does Chef Remy Bones Not Know What Humans Eat?
Chef Remy Bones is the Hauntleys' head cook at the Scare B&B, having been brought in when Oxana wanted to impress a human critic that was testing out the food. Remy is a talented chef by monster standards, but when it comes to cooking human-pleasing meals, it becomes woefully apparent to Vampirina and her friends that he doesn't know what he's doing.
That seems really strange, considering Chef Remy Bones is clearly the skeleton of a dead adult human who ate things when he was alive. Sure, he may have been dead for a while, but can anyone be dead so long that they're confused about whether bone soup with cobwebs in it is appetizing to a human? Did Chef Remy lie on his resume about being a chef, and just naturally figured out monsters just like to eat gross stuff? Can he not buy a cookbook or look online?
What Is Demi A Ghost Of Exactly?
We've seen a lot of ghosts on Vampirina, and strangely enough, none of them look like the ghost that shows up the most: the Hauntleys' apparition named Demi. While most of the ghosts are somewhat human-shaped, Demi is just a blob with arms, legs, a bow-tie and a weird sperm-tail head. Why doesn't he have a neck and other humanoid bits like the rest of the ghosts, and why doesn't he wear more clothes like they do?
Also, is Demi a child or an adult? He sounds like an adult, but his mischievous ideas and stunts seem to put him on more of a kid level. Of course, dead kids are kind of dark territory for Disney Junior, so that might be why Demi was made a man-child of sorts. Now if future episodes could make him a bit less of an instigator in situations (and maybe more of a chef who can cook for humans), things would probably go a lot smoother for Vampirina.
Why Were Poppy And Bridget Allowed To Visit Transylvania?
One thing Vampirina makes abundantly clear is that there's a lot of fear and misconceptions that monsters and humans have for one another (thanks to modern media, no doubt). It's clear that the two factions don't spend a lot of time together, and may be why broom flying is one of the few ways to get to Transylvania. That keeps the humans out, or at least the ones that haven't managed to befriend a vampire and join her rock group.
For all the great lengths Transylvania does to isolate itself from humans, it's kind of incredible those two young girls were allowed access into the country so easily. Either human and monster relations aren't as tense as Vampirina makes it seem – conspiracy? – or this version of Pennsylvania has slightly more issues than other parts of the world. After all, they can't really be the only two humans aware of the monster world, right?
I know I can't be the only one out there who spends more time thinking about the arbitrary details than the actual plots, right? Let us know in the comments if this sounds like a familiar experience.
Vampirina airs repeats on Disney Channel on weekday mornings and on Disney Junior on a daily basis. New episodes air on Friday mornings. For a look at shows to watch when the kids don't control the remote, head on over to our midseason premiere guide and our summer TV rundown.
Mick likes good television, but also reality television. He grew up on Star Wars, DC, Marvel, and pro wrestling and loves to discuss and dissect most of it. He’s been writing online for over a decade and never dreamed he’d be in the position he is today.
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