In last night’s episode, everyone had a constant craving for something: Santana for girls, Coach Beiste for protein laden chicken, and Sue and Kurt for political power. Let’s revisit what happened, shall we?
Santana Kissed a Girl and She Liked It
Santana’s slap must have knocked some empathy into Finn because he made it his mission to support Santana with “Lady Week Music.” And later during a tender moment, Finn admitted to Santana that since she deflowered him, he would always hold a special place in his heart, and wouldn’t be able to live with himself if she imploded and committed suicide. Aww. Rallying the Glee kids, Finn helped Santana ease her way out of the closet, making her feel more comfortable with admitting her feelings for girls and love for Brittany. While Santana’s parents, and for the most part classmates, were accepting of her sexuality, unfortunately her abuela wasn’t. It was a heart wrenching scene to watch when Santana’s abuela flat-out rejected her. Yet, in a way it was good, because it was a realistic portrayal of what teens and adults go through with narrow-minded relatives.
Shelby and Puck Update
Oh snap, looks like Shelby and Puck got Olivia Newton-John physical. Afterwards, Shelby had regrets which didn’t sit well with Puck. And as I expected, Puck went running to Quinn and blabbed. Based on Quinn’s sour expression during the final scene, I don’t think we’ll have to wait long before Quinn blackmails Shelby.
Sue, Cooter and Coach Beiste
First off, Sue addressed the ad questioning her sexuality with this memorable nugget: “Why would someone assume I'm a Friend of Ellen just because I'm manish and I have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girls' sport and I married myself?” Hahaha. Then in a surprising twist, she went after Beiste’s man Cooter. Naturally Coach Beiste was devastated, and I was pissed at Cooter for hurting Beiste’s feelings. But then after he explained why he only went on a date with Sue because he was confused by Beiste’s mixed signals, I cut him a little slack. I’m looking forward to Coach Beiste winning back her man. I anticipate Coach Beiste and Sue competing for Cooter (LOL) will be way more entertaining than a gaggle of dumb broads vying for ABC’s next “The Bachelor.”
Rachel Does the Unthinkable
Initially I thought Kurt was going to stuff the ballot box, so color me surprised when Rachel went bad and rigged the election herself. And the consequences were severe: Rachel is not allowed to compete in sectionals!!!
At Least One Hummel Won
While President Brittany took office at McKinley High, Kurt’s dad Burt successfully won his election. It was a bittersweet moment when Kurt sipped champagne (we’ll pretend it was sparkling cider for the ratings police), as everyone celebrated.
Sue’s little black book of booty calls was hilarious. Notable names included Vladmir Putin, Dan Quayle and whiny bitch Matt Lauer. I also enjoyed Sue’s comment: “It's a reporter from USA Today. The newspaper for people who can't read.” (As a reporter, I, and my colleagues, wholeheartedly agree with Sue’s assessment of what we dub the “color block rag.”)
• Sue: “Truth is, journal, I'm attracted to men. Sure, I can't stand watching them eat or talk, but when it comes to getting sexy, this gal's got a hole in her heart that only a fella can fill.”
• Puck: “The advantage of a relationship with a younger dude is that I've still got four more rounds in me before I need a steak sandwich and a Coke Zero.”
• Sue to Beiste: “Why don't you hurry on to your next face-widening session at the John Travolta Institute for Head Thickening and Facial Weight Gain?”
• Santana: “While there's nothing I'd love more than having two pretty ponies serenade me, I think we'd get further staging a gel-ervention for Blaine than singing lady music.”
• K.D. Lang’s “Constant Craving”
• Pink’s “F—in’ Perfect”
• Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”
• Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl”
• Melissa Etheridge’s “I’m the Only One”
• Dolly Parton’s “Jolene”
Gleeks, next week we have the epic showdown between the Trouble Tones and New Directions for sectionals! See you then!
Check out some photos from the episode, some of which feature Chord Overstreet as Sam here!