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True Blood Season 5 Premiere Watch: Turn! Turn! Turn!

There were enough hints to indicate how tonight's episode would end. From the title of the episode, to HBO's "Maker's Day" ad campaign throughout the week leading up to the Season 5 premiere. But who would "Turn! Turn! Turn!" who? The answer to that is ahead! Read no further if you haven't seen the Season 5 premiere!

Turn! Turn! Turn!

Here's the thing, and this may be a technicality, but why couldn't Pam just try to heal Tara with her blood? Or is there some line between when a person is not quite so close to death that vampire blood couldn't heal them (see: Jason after the bazooka blast in Season 4), and when a person is too mostly-dead to be saved by blood, but not so completely dead that they can't be turned by it? Wherever that line is, Tara was apparently straddling it. The episode began with Sookie striking a bargain to get Pam to turn Tara, and ended with Tara flying from the dirt and going straight for Sookie. Because what's a bottle of True Blood when there's a human full of warm fairy-blood nearby?

Notable moments worth commenting on during this include Sookie's flashback, which reminded us that Tara was once Sookie's only friend, during her childhood when her telepathy made her an outcast. She and Tara have a bond. Being a vampire shouldn't weaken that, though Tara might be brain damaged, and then there's the fact that she might bitterly resent being turned into a thing she hates. Regardless, seeing Tara as a new vampire should be fun! And I sort of love the idea of seeing Pam as a maker. And we know Sookie owing Pam one will come back to her sooner or later.

And major points to Mama-Pam, who sported a hideous yellow "Walmart sweatsuit" for the occasion. A fitting garb, considering we were first introduced to Tara when she was miserably working at a Walmart-type super-store.

Meanwhile, poor Lafayette! Jesus is dead, his body has gone missing, and he spent the episode helping Sookie clean up dead-Debbie, and worrying about whether his cousin was undead, or just dead.

Authority and Fangcest

Bill and Eric were captured by the authority and on their way to be taken in, probably interrogated and then given the true-death treatment. They managed to escape captivity and be semi-rescued by Nora, Eric's maker-sister. Or make-out-sister. Whichever you prefer. Another "child" of Godric, Nora and Eric "fight like siblings but fuck like champions." Ew. seriously, all the brother/sister talk during their freight storage sexcapades takes their relationship to an icky level, though not entirely unfamiliar to HBO (See also: Game of Thrones' twincestual Jaime and Cesei Lannister).

A disgruntled member of the Authority with a secret (clearly close) bond with Eric, Nora went to work getting Bill and Eric some new papers, but before they could assume their identities as Marcellus Clark and Ike Applebaum, the Authority showed up to take them in. Not good! But let's face it, did we really want these two to disappear into hiding? Might make for a good spin-off series (Ike and Marcellus: Best Fangs Forever), but what would Bon Temps be like without them?

Jason is Mine!

When last we saw Jason, Reverend Newell was at his doorstep, a face full of fangs and malice in his eyes. As it turns out, he's not only been turned and trained to glamour, but he's as out of the closet as he is the casket and looking to rekindle a relationship with Jason. Jason's a dog that doesn't bark that way, though. After rejecting him, Jessica arrives, claims Jason and chases Newell off. His "I love you!" cry as Jason rescinded his invitation was amusing, but something tells me we haven't seen the last of Newell. Someone turned him and trained him.

As for Jason and Jessica, while she may have claimed him as hers, she's not above making out with some other guy. While Bill's away, Jessica's using his house to throw Rock Band parties with college kids. She seemed ok letting Jason crash, but then she was kissing some other guy and Jason was leaving with some sorority girl. An obvious attempt to make her jealous, especially as he told the girl he was only giving her a ride home. It's clear he's fallen for Jessica. But she seems intent on going the loose-and-casual route, not wanting to go through another Hoyt situation. And if she's stuck in eternal-adolescence, maybe that's always the way it will be for Jessica, as she might not be able to emotionally mature beyond where she was before she was turned.

Chow Time

Sam was approached by Marcus' pack at the end of last season and tonight that picked up with them threatening him, Luna and her daughter until he told them where Marcus was. Shifting and flying away proved fruitless, with Luna and her daughter in danger, so Sam endured lots of torture throughout the episode, stalling all day and eventually leading them to Marcus' buried body. Had he just lead them to Marcus' body and skipped the torture in the first place, he might have saved himself some pain, but he also would have probably been killed on the spot, whereas all the extra time made room for Alcide to show up in the nick of time to intervene and take the blame for Marcus' death. Alcide didn't apologize for it.

Marcus' mother Martha led the pack in feeding off Marcus' dead body, and others seemed to be following suit. Seemed like a (really gross) werewolf custom.

In other news

Hoyt and his friends are calling Jason a "girlfriend fucker." It's a rude name, but you can't fault Hoyt or his friends for disliking Jason for breaking the code.

Alcide told Sookie that Russell is out. Apparently she thought he was dead.

Sookie was on the verge of admitting to Alcide that she killed Debbie, but Lafayette stopped her. Alcide hasn't seemed to notice Debbie's missing yet. On that subject, Sookie told Lafayette she knowingly killed Debbie. Meaning, it wasn't entirely self-defense so much as it was a conscious thought to pull the trigger.

Hot off his outside-sex with the fairy (Season 4), Andy hopped into bed with Holly. Her kids Wade and Rocky returned to find them asleep and naked in bed together. Awkward.

Andy also helped some judge get someone out of a speeding ticket. Seems like that was the start of something.

Terry's old Marine friend Patrick returned at the end of Season 4 and seems to be trying to get to the bottom of something involving fires. Terry doesn't seem happy about the situation, and we know Rene hinted during his Halloween appearance last season that there was trouble there.

And with all of this, there was no room to introduce new characters like the one Chris Meloni is playing, but we're all caught up and there's plenty of drama rolling already!